Today marks 7 weeks since BB broke up with me (yes, I counted. I actually thought it was 8 and was much more proud of myself. 7 doesn't seem that significant). I have not called him or contacted him since his email two weeks ago. For that, I am proud of myself. But now I don't know what to do.
I still miss him, but I barely remember him. When I picture his face in my head, I can only picture pieces of it - like his cheeks (the only place on his body excepting his forehead and palms that was not covered in hair), or his eyes, or his chin. But not the whole thing. It bothers me a bit. Is my head slowly erasing him? Remember that picture that Michael J. Fox had of his brother and sister in Back to the Future? You know, as he screwed things up more and more, they slowly disappeared? That's kind of what I feel like.
It seems weird to me now that I spent so much of my winter rearranging my life to be with him, particularly since I'm so busy this spring I can hardly keep it together. How the hell would I manage a boyfriend on top of this? And how would I afford it?! BB lived 25 miles away from my house, and 50 miles from where I work. Commuting back and forth to his place was getting expensive. And that was before gas hit $3.75.
But, fact is, I told him I would contact him sometime. And I still don't want to. I'm going to be so upset if the first words out of his mouth aren't "I made a mistake. I love you." And I don't expect him to say that, or anything like it. He didn't love me, and most men don't admit to mistakes. I've almost found myself wondering if he will try to contact me again. I totally win if he does, but then again, I'm going to be totally pissed cuz I told him that I would call him when I was ready. I'm sorry to bore you with this neurotic bullshit, but its helpful for me to write it down.
So, to make myself feel better, I'm going to start a list of why I will never get back together with BB. One reason a day.
#1 - He didn't eat vegetables, and I'm a vegetarian. Seriously, he even took the lettuce and tomatoes off his burgers. He would shudder when I ordered a salad the same way I shudder when someone orders veal. Eating was always a big ordeal. I like to eat without debating it.
This is a good start. Perhaps by the time I get to # 10 I'll be ready to call Sailboat.