Thursday, May 1, 2008

The First Blog

My heart was recently broken, for the first time in my adult life.  By a guy I had dated for - are you ready for this? - less than three months.  Less than three months, and the guy has had me in tears for the past six weeks wondering what could have been (isn't there a Tiffany song about that?  I'll have to drag out my record collection).

Undoubtedly, there will be many more postings about what happened in that relationship, but here is the interesting part.  I am a cynic when it comes to love and relationships.  I know that relationships are hard, and that most of them don't work out.  But I met this guy and there was such instant chemistry and feelings and intimacy, I went with it.  Why did I go with it?  Because I am a cynic!  

Are you confused?  See, my friends who are romantics always feel like they are in love, and so, they have learned to think about their relationship decisions knowing that they think with their hearts, not with their heads.  I, on the other hand, always think with my head.  Reasoning, calculating, hypothesizing.  So, when I get swept up in a love at first sight kind of gig, its gotta be for real!  Nothing else makes any sense.  So, I pushed away all those cynical thoughts that had previously kept my emotional fortress up, ignored all the warning signs that things might be coming to a crashing halt, and put myself out there 400%.

And I got stung.

So, I'm back to cynicism.  But, the problem is, this guy - all three months of him - changed me.  All of a sudden, I seem to want to be in a relationship.  Like, a committed one.  What's that?  Where did that come from?  What do I do with that?  

I don't know, but it sure is going to be interesting to find out.

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