Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Not cool BB, not cool

I am seriously confused.  I tried so hard to not care that he wasn't emailing me back.  I chalked it up to the fact that he doesn't check that particular email account that much, or that he was working overnight 30-hour shifts, but that only works so for so long before I start wondering what the hell is going on.

I emailed him last freaking thursday.  That was six days ago.  

I made a mistake though, and emailed him again.  Last night.  At his quasi-work email account, so I know he got it.  It didn't say anything; just that I wondered if he had gotten my previous email and that if he wanted to talk he should let me know when a good time would be.  Now I just look freaking pathetic.  And I've made myself vulnerable.  I feel like a complete moron.

Honestly, I am absolutely stunned that I haven't heard back from him.  Three weeks ago, he was asking about the status of "you and me" and wanted to be my friend.  Now he won't even email me back?  I am SO confused by this.  This is the kind of guy behavior that drives normally rational people like me to become stalkers.  I'd like to think he has been in a tragic motorcycle accident and is in a body cast somewhere, unable to call or check his email, wondering if I am thinking about him.  But no, these things don't really happen.  Except in fairy tales and on tv.  Besides, I would have heard about a gory motorcycle accident.  

Now I am obsessively checking my email, waiting for a message from him.  And I'm starting to get really, really mad.

So, but, here's the deal.  I don't want him back.  I honestly don't.  I want him to want me back, but that's really irrelevant.  What I want is to talk to him, or see him, and put the final nail in the relationship coffin.  Some would call this "closure" but I hate that term.  But, maybe that's what it is.  I'm tired of waiting to feel better and I want to get on with my life, and I want to start dating again, but I can't until this is finally, finally over.  

And he once again has the upper hand.  Because I am pathetic.  :(

1 comment:

elena said...

You will get your closure, I promise. Unfortunately, you will not get it when you want it (life sucks like that). Just leave the situation alone. In a few months, there will be a night where you are snuggling with your new boyfriend on the couch (who LOVES your cats, btw), and BB will call to see what you're doing. You will look at the phone, but decide to put it away and get back to your snuggling. Because surprisingly enough, you just don't care anymore......

You're not pathetic. You are hurt because you are a good person and you care about people. Don't ever stop caring.