Saturday, May 31, 2008

Single = Self Sufficient

One of my three dedicated readers complained to me this week that I needed to start writing about something besides BB drama.  Although I think I've only been complaining about him for two weeks or so (and if you weren't so bored at work you wouldn't be reading this anyway...) I will comply with your request.  What a great friend I am!

This week, my father had outpatient surgery.  My father has had one foot in the grave for years, and because he and my mom are divorced, I am responsible for a lot of his care.  And friends, this has put a damper on my social life for years.  However, I have discovered that I really enjoy hospital cafeteria food - its cheap, halfway healthy and they almost always have something vegetarian.  

After my plate of breakfast potatoes, fruit, cheese blintzes and coffee ($4.75) I started watching people and thinking, mostly because there was little else to do.  Most of the people under the age of 60 were spending their time making worried calls on their cell phones and text messaging.  Because I have no significant other, I was not making calls or updating anyone on the progress of the day.  I was just sitting back and waiting (and watching.  And maybe once or twice thinking uncharitable things).  No big deal.  But if I had someone that I had to report out to, I think that the day would have felt more significant.  I feel as if events in life become more dramatic if you have someone:  because that someone is worried about you, or wants to express concern, or wants to support you, they make a big deal out of little things.  Which, in turn, makes you make a big deal out of little things.  Without that person, you just grit your teeth and do what has to be done.

A while back, I had a minor OB/GYN test that is pretty routine, but kinda painful.  I had a boyfriend at the time, and he was worried.  He called me before and after the procedure, and wanted to drive me (hell no!).  I wasn't worried about the stupid test until I heard the concern in his voice, then I got all freaked out.  It was sweet that he was so concerned, but without him around, it would have been no big deal to me.  Grit teeth, get done, take tylenol, have a beer.  

In my life, I tend to deal with crises situations better when I am single.  And I don't really know why that is.  Maybe because the majority of my adult life has been spent single and that's when the majority of the crappy things have happened.  If you have nobody to bitch and whine to, you have no choice but to move forward.  If you do have someone to bitch and whine to, you spend time talking about the situation, analyzing the situation and drumming up pity, instead of dealing with the situation.  

Or maybe I am just hopelessly screwed up.

Either way, in case you are wondering, after a rough day of reaction to anesthesia, dad seems to have pulled through ok.


Anonymous said...

I came by this post after Googling 'single + self-sufficient' - a woman at work was visibly shocked when she heard I was doing my tax (I'm female). This got me thinking...I was raised by a single mum, and have lived by myself most of my adult life. I do everything, and I too just get on with things (especially emergencies). I think we deserve a pat on the back!

Susan said...

Thanks for leaving a comment Anonymous! You've inspired me to post more about just being an independent single woman. There are so many of us out there and we DO deserve a pat on the back. And a stiff drink.