I talked to him about details, because I didn't want to just say no before I knew exactly what I was saying no to. What if he really just wanted me to tend to the kegs all afternoon? I can do that! Or, make sure nobody steals the card basket with all the cash in it? Or do some crappy reading about love and prancing gazelles. I can do these things.
But, it turns out, he really wants me standing up there with him, his brother and two best friends from college. Wow. Turns out though, that the bride also has asked a former boyfriend/skanky sex-mate to be a bridesmaid. To some, this makes it better because the weirdness balances out. Honestly, to me, it just doubles the weird.
Here's the sticking point though. All of a sudden, I feel like my blanket proclamation of "no more bridesmaiding for me!" is kinda unfair. Its not easy to find someone you love. Its even less easy to find someone that you love who will love you back. And I'm sure that once you really think you've found it, having me tell you that weddings are stupid and sateen is so 1989 is probably not what you want to hear. God! When did I start to care about what other people think? This is a very disturbing development in my life.
So, I'm still at a loss. On one hand, I love the ex in that brotherly kind of way (which is probably why we stopped having sex) and want him to be happy. It would be nice to be part of that and would be fun to hang out with his friends. On the significantly larger other hand, its still freaking weird and it would be really, really difficult to extricate myself from having to attend bridal showers and, god forbid, bachelorette parties. I'd have to buy some sort of dress. I might have to go to the bachelor party, but that's no big deal. I can't imagine these guys doing anything more imaginative than watching all six Star Wars movies in a sitting, binging on Wookie Cookies and being generally obnoxious and gross.
How can I make them elope?