I think what I miss the most about having a man in my life is waking up in the morning, his arms wrapped around me, before the alarm clock goes off, knowing you can stay there for at least ten more minutes before the day begins. If given a choice, I would rather have that than sex. For the rest of my life. Hands down. And I even like sex these days. Face it, there are battery-operated toys that can help me out occasionally, but nothing can substitute for a good spooning.
I have strange ideas about intimacy. I think holding hands in public is more intimate than having sex. Sleeping, bodies intertwined all night long, is CERTAINLY more intimate than sex.
I used to not like any displays of affection, in public or not. Perhaps because of my strange views on intimacy. Holding hands, embracing, casual kissing - it made me uncomfortable. I don’t remember a lot of hugging and kissing in my family, and certainly not between my parents, so I guess that could account for some of it. So in my early twenties, I pushed away physical displays of affection. Shit. For that matter, I pushed away emotional displays of affection too, but that’s a different story. Somewhere in there though, I changed into someone who wants to spoon all night long. Even if you snore. Even if I fart (I’m a vegetarian people, we eat beans.) And I want to hug on you if you are making me scrambled eggs. And I want to hold your hand in the car. And at a concert. And on the street.
Sigh. I just want his arms around me again…