Wednesday, July 23, 2008



I now know why a guy would not respond to your email, then call three times without leaving a message. He's taking a pass. Which is pretty funny, since the guy has the theme song to the Price Is Right as the music you hear when you call.

So, I was on the phone with my grandmother when he called for the third time. (Side story: grandma is on the brink of death and completely reliant on oxygen to stay alive - the power went out at her house. This is a big problem when your oxygen machine runs on electricity. She got her backup tank and was ok when I spoke to her. Please remind me of this story next time I want a drag off your cigarette). No message was left, so I called back. I was a bit tired of this crap.

So this time, I leave a message. He calls back and I answer the phone. We have nicey nicey chat for a little while, but I gotta tell ya, it was a bit forced. I struggled to find something to say. So, at one point, I said that I had to get moving to finish some chores, and would he like to go out again. There, see, who is the girl with the cajones?! ME.

I swear, this was his response. "I wanted to talk to you about that. I think I'm going to pass. I'd like to pursue other matches." Please. That's what you tell people on eharmony when you are totally grossed out by their picture, job, or personality so you don't actually have to meet them. But this is what got me. He said that I have too much energy for him and he wouldn't be able to keep up. This is a guy who built a deck last weekend, while I laid on the floor watching Gossip Girl (a truly horrible show, btw). But it confirms something that I have suspected all along: boys are intimidated by me.

More than one guy I have dated has told me that I make them feel bad about themselves - not because of my witty put-downs, but because of the way I lead my life. Having hobbies, leaving the house, working on political campaigns, being on the civic association and running my face into rocks makes guys who sit on the couch all day and do nothing but work, eat and sleep feel inadequate. Apparently, its a problem for the male ego when the girl is out carpe diem-ing.

He made me sad. Not because I liked him all that much , although he did seem fun, but because he rejected me (also because I wasted 20 minutes on the phone with him when I could have been vacuuming). He met me, had fun with me, bought me dinner, then decided to pass. This is not what I need to rebound after BB. I need a cute fun guy to fawn all over me. 2008 was supposed to be this great year, but so far, all I've gotten is rejection and a big fat black eye.

I've learned my lesson though. Next time I go out and there is a good chance a boy is buying, I'm not ordering the half price pizza. If you want to reject me, you gotta pay full price.


Katy said...

What a turd. Any guy who gives you a line like that sucks anyway. I guess he gets a point or two for honesty but geez "a pass"....seriously. Guys who can't handle all of the way cool stuff you do aren't worth your time. They do exist, we just have to keep looking, or get him to move back to DE. hahahahaha

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan! I am not quite ready to reveal myself yet. I can say you know me and may have seen me at a mutual friend's get together recently! A mutual friend of ours told me about your blog and I thought I would investigate. At any rate, I find your writings quite interesting.

From a guy's perspective, there are 3 levels of feelings we have when considering our liking of a girl.

a. Not Interested
b. Sex
c. True Feelings

The first choice is quite simple

The second choice is more complex. This is where the phrase "thinking with the wrong head" came from. He may seem interested and say nice things. Consistency is the key here. If you receive mixed signals: breaking of plans, not calling when expected etc. there may be problems. Furthermore, if he calls after the bar closes, I would be suspicious. As a woman, your gut is your best indicator....Dont question it.

When a guy has true feelings he is thinking with his correct head. Of course his "not correct" head is trying to move forward, but this is a good thing. In this case, the correct head has the power to subdue his "not correct" head. A man will make time, plans and phone calls that will coincide with his words. Your gut should feel rather comfortable since his actions support his words.

To confuse the situation even more, guys sometimes even fool themselves. The "not correct" head throws the correct head a curve ball. It convinces the correct head there is a true liking for the girl when their really isnt. Truthfully, the correct head knows this, but the thrill of the chase is too much. The end result is a fierce battle to obtain the prize. Once the prize is obtained, things change. Emphasis shifts from the prize to the exit strategy.

What does all this mean? Guys typically categorize very quickly. Is it always that black and!

Elena said...

Wow. What anonymous said. Or, you can just get drunk and hook up with the guy you "passed" on....

DocJohn said...

Wow anonymous, you could have saved all that typing and just said, "Sometimes guys like you, sometimes guys want sex (just like sometimes girls want sex), and sometimes there's no chemistry."

Men and women are different, but not as much as some people think, especially when it comes to what we look for in a mate. We look for *compatibility* first and foremost -- someone who shares our interests, energy levels, a hobby or two, general musical tastes and cleanliness, fun and humor level, attractiveness, social/financial standing, etc.

That's why most people marry within their class, people of similar attractiveness levels, and personalities.

This guy was just a jerk, but no guy is likely to come out and be truthful and say, "Hey, you intimidate me." It's a very honest, open thing to say and our society just doesn't value such blank honesty usually in most social situations.