Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Car think

Seven hours alone in a car sure gives you a lot of time to think.  Or time to obsess.  I chose to obsess.

I spent the weekend in Boston visiting old friends, who for some absurd reason chose to go to college and start their lives in a region where sometimes you can't see the street from the sidewalk due to the 6 foot pile of snow in between and where the cost of living is so ridiculous that millionaires are living in condos with peeling paint and have to hunt for on-street parking.  Plus, its so far away from me! 

I procrastinated buying a train ticket, so wound up driving.  Alone.  In my car that has a history of breaking down in Boston.  Luckily, gas prices have plummeted in the past couple weeks, so it was downright cheap to get there (relatively speaking).  And for once, the car behaved, and even did extra-good on gas mileage. 

In my younger days, I relished long road trips by myself.  I love quality time with my car. Love getting a chance to listen to cds all the way through.  Love comparing the quality and amenities at different rest stops along the way...  To sum up, I like road trips because I am easily amused.

But, I'm getting old.  And my ass hurt after the first 2 hours.  And my back?  Well, I've been taking 4 advils three times a day to quell the back pain, it wasn't so quelled today.  And, the iPod makes it really tough to focus on music - too many albums to choose from.  So, I had a long time to obsess about stuff.  And what's happening in my life right now, besides my bad back? Bad decisions with BB, of course.  I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about BB today - more specifically, trying to decide whether I was going to "stop by" on my way home.  Seriously, every few minutes for hours on end, I flip-flopped as to whether I was going to call him or text him in the afternoon to see if he wanted to grab dinner.  And whether I would spend the night.  And whether I even wanted to spend the night.  And whether I wanted to see him today, or this weekend.  Or this month...  

The end decision after several hours of obsessing: I texted him.  I resisted the urge to text "trade you dinner for a back rub."  If we hung out, I wanted it to be his idea.  So, I told him that I was listening to the music he had given me last week (a band called Vampire Weekend.  If you haven't heard them, I highly recommend.  I listened to the whole album 4 times today) and that I was suffering on the highway.   He didn't text back, and I drove through his neighborhood hours before he got off work, and rather than hang out and make up excuses to still be in town when he was off work, I did the right thing and got my ass home, unpacked and made dinner.

I am trying SO hard to not rearrange my life to spend snippets of time with this guy; and I'm proud of myself for not doing that today, even though it was only a half-decision on my part.

He did call later though, and may have sounded a bit disappointed that I was already home...

2 comments:

Katy said...

Stalker... I'm very, very proud of your for doing a drive by stalking and then going home like a good girl. MAKE HIM MISS YOU.

Elena said...

Love shouldn't be hard Suzy Q...

When are you coming over to drink beer on my porch?