Sunday, August 10, 2008

new eharmony boy

Every day, eHarmony's magical system matches me with several new losers.  Losers who live far away.  Losers who will email back and forth until it takes some actual work.  Losers who know how to read a map and figure out who geographically undesirable I am.  

So, today, I log on to depress myself further and arm myself with new material for the blog post and instead of another loser, I see a guy with blonde hair, a nice smile and a pair of binoculars around his neck.

So, for you, my dear bored friends, I am going to chronicle my eHarmony experience with this guy.  I am quite sure that it is going to go the way of all the others, but I would like to give you an idea of what its like to desperately try to date on the internet (it blows).

So here is the scoop on "David."  He is a wildlife biologist - totally right up my alley.  He's blonde, 5'8" (a bit shorter than my ideal, but let's go with it) and might have a decent body.  He had ok things to say in his profile, although with the eHarmony system you don't get to write a whole lot in your own profile - its all personality profile crap.  Sounds alright, right?  Yeah, well, David lives almost two hours away from me.

I'll give you one guess as to what's going to happen when he actually pulls out a map.

So, without geographic guidance, David contacted me, and I have "opened communication" with him.  What that means is that I answered a round of multiple choice questions that he chose from a list (no, I did not have to use a #2 pencil).  His questions were:

1.  When you are in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally need?
2.  What's your idea of adventure?
3.  How would you assess your verbal intimacy skills?
4.  Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when in a relationship?
5.  What's your philosophy on travel?

I answered to the best of my ability and sent him my multiple choice questions, which are the same for everyone.  My questions have to do with what their attitude towards work, how often they find themselves laughing, whether they like debating "issues of the day," how much free time they have and whether they consider themselves to be ambitious.  

The next round is even easier.  If he decides to not be scared off by the fact that I could just be more adventurous than he is, he will send me his "must haves/can't stands" - a list of adjectives picked from a bigger list of adjectives and I will, in return, send him my list (which basically says you need to be smart, ambitious, active and leave me the hell alone when I want you to).  Then the real work starts.  Five dollars says we never get to the actual emailing stage.  It will be too bad too, because I love me a boy with a good pair of binoculars.

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