Sunday, August 24, 2008

Phone Date

So, this is how it goes, over and over and over for me:

1.  Guy lands in my inbox.
2.  Guy is cute, with a sparkle in his eyes (for clarification, only about 1 out of 50 is cute)
3.  Guy is great on paper.  For a living he saves baby raccoons or baby humans, or defends battered women in court, or engineers bridges.  For recreation he likes to camp, or backpack, or kayak.  His philosophy on life is "Carpe Diem" and he wants to travel as much as possible.
4.  Susan starts building guy up in her head and wondering if this is the one she's been waiting for her whole life.
5.  Susan panics, because, what if he is the one?  Am I ready for that?
6.  Susan sets phone date because its too time consuming to type all the stuff she wants to tell Guy.  

And this brings us to Thursday night, when I had a phone date with eHarmony David.  The phone date is an essential part of my online dating repertoire.  I think I have mentioned this before, but living in the suburbs makes it really hard to just casually meet for coffee.  The phone date is my screening mechanism - are you worth a 45 minute drive?  Fewer than half pass the test these days (I've gotten much more discriminating, whether its because I'm busy or just tired of the whole thing I don't know).

David lost points immediately by not answering the phone when I called.  Cold calling a boy that you have never talked to before is not an easy thing to do, although I have lots of practice so it doesn't phase me nearly as much as it would phase most girls.  But to not pick up the phone when we have a vague pre-arranged time ("a little after 9")?!  I was miffed.  He called back a half an hour later, with no apologies or explanation.  Granted, since we are strangers, perhaps an explanation isn't necessary, but still...  

So, I started off the conversation a bit miffed, but it was doubled by the fact that David is a high talker!  Sigh...  In my perfect version of David, he certainly wasn't a high talker.  Perfect David would sound like Barry White, but even I can admit that is an unrealistic fantasy for a 5'8" white guy.

We talked for about an hour or so, but it wasn't the easiest conversation.  We work in similar fields, which makes it really easy to just talk about work related stuff, colleague to colleague.  Not real romantic.  Sometimes I felt like I was hitting a brick wall, which was truly frustrating.  I would say something like "I like kayaking" and rather than asking me a follow up question or sharing a story, he would say something like "you must enjoy that."  That, my friends, is a conversation stopper.  Yes.  I enjoy it.  Duh.  Now instead of telling him my funny kayaking stories, I'm wracking my brain for another line of conversation that he might be more participatory in.

I'm making it out to be worse than it actually was, but I had a really hard time not comparing it to my first phone date with BB.  Sorry, can't help it.  BB wasn't a high talker!  And he was a good talker.  When I hung up the phone with BB,  I thought to myself "I didn't really get to talk that much!  He out-talked me!"  And there are few people in this world that can match me on that particular skill.

David and I alluded to meeting and doing something in the upcoming weeks, but we both made it clear that we were pretty busy.  I think we will likely find time to meet, and because he is an outdoorsy guy, I will make an effort to meet him because if I doesn't work out romantically, it never hurts to know people who like to backpack and mountain climb and such.  I'm just not excited about it anymore.

And the eHarmony cycle of disappointment continues...

1 comment:

Katy said...

Maybe its eharmony. I can't remember if you've tried other "matchy matchy" websites before. Talking on the phone is an art form...few people are good at it. You need to squeeze in a 45 minute drive and a real date to see if you got the "real" David on the phone. It will be worth not worrying over it for weeks.