Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Bartender views on Booty

Once upon a time, a boyfriend told me a story about how he rode his motorcycle for three hours, in the rain, to get some.  I think part of the story featured a rock kicking up into his helmet and almost killing him, but let's face it, I never really paid that much attention so I don't remember if it was a booty call that nearly lopped his head off.  He didn't have many stories, so I've heard them all no less than a dozen times - they get a bit confused in my head.

So, I was under the assumption that its pretty normal for boys to do just about anything for a sure thing, so when I reported to my friend last night at the bar that BB is going to drive 40 minutes to my house after a 27 hour shift to make dinner and hang out, was shocked to find out that she thought that was a bit unusual.  So did her boyfriend (oops, fiance) and the bartender, and the bartenders friend, and possibly the big fat guy sitting next to me at the bar.  She, of course, thought that it "meant something."  Yeah, it means he hasn't gotten laid in three weeks.  But she refused to be dissuaded from her theory of true love and redemption.  Sounds nice, but I highly doubt it.

To prove her wrong, I asked our bartender.  Bartender is a teacher by day, bartender by night who is clearly a player.  He wouldn't drive 40 minutes after an 8 hour shift.  In fact, I think he wouldn't drive at all for a girl after working any amount of time!  There was something about "maybe if I just lay there and she climbs on top and does all the work..."  Eww.  Perhaps in his case, laziness overrides horny.  His friend was willing to go the distance, but not after an all night shift.  My three hour drive (sing it with me!  A three hour drive...)  story from above horrified them and they claimed that they would never drive that far for a girl, but I think that neither of these guys have had a serious dry spell in a long time.  My survey might have turned out differently if I had asked the big, kinda unattractive guy sitting next to me, but I didn't.  Frankly, I was afraid he would think I was propositioning him.  Although, maybe I should have.  He was hairy and fat - just my type!  

Interesting sidebar to the conversation - before discussing how far he would drive, he had to know how good the sex was going to be.  "Above average" was my answer.  I'll take above average any day, but he's under the assumption that he is spectacular in bed and above average isn't really good enough.  I pointed out that 90% of guys think that they are spectacular, and ladies, we all know one who thought that and disappointed the hell out of us.  Why do guys think we can't fake having a good time?  Next bar survey - girls bartender has slept with!  


Ms Behaviour said...

I think you missed a couple of key control points in the survey:

1. BB knows the sex is going to be good because it's you guys and therefore must be way above average, if average is sex with less familiar people.

2. I'm assuming, given his profession, that a 27 hour shift is actually not that big a deal. Certainly, for me, a 40 minute drive is nothing.

Anyway, yay sex for both of us!

i like cheese said...

I've definitely discovered that laziness overrides sex, at least in NYC it does...God forbid you should have to get on a subway for a little booty!