Monday, September 22, 2008

Booty plan

BB spent most of Thursday asleep in my bed while I was at work so that we could spend more time together than would have otherwise been possible after his 27 hour shift. 

Why does this not seem strange to me?  I clearly am delusional.  I think we have already firmly established this.  Perhaps he is too.  This whole "not-dating" gig certainly seems to be taking on a "semi-dating" sort of hilt.  Until the naked conversation.

It certainly was sort of fun at work thinking about how I would likely be having sex within minutes of arriving home (in reality, it was about 30.  He really tried to talk and listen to me for a while, but succumbed.  I wish I could chalk it up to my hotness but its probably more because he hadn't had sex in three weeks).  Its been a while since I've had someone to come home to, and while nice, it reminded me of why I really like to come home to nobody (except the cats).  We made dinner - grilled polenta, fresh mozzarella cheese, roasted red peppers and tomatoes.  We watched a movie.  Had sex again.  Went to sleep.

But not before we had a talk about our situation.  Again.  Dude.  I don't know how many times I have to tell him that I understand the limitations of our "relationship."  Its pretty awkward when you are naked and the guy who is spooning you says "I want you to meet a nice boy."  Even more awkward when you are forced to tell him that yes, you in fact have been on a date recently and it was fine and the guy is great and the type of guy you would really like to be with but he lives far away and you don't see it going anywhere.  And he says "I'm not a long term solution for you."  And you say "you aren't even really a short term solution." 

He is definitely harboring a tremendous amount of guilt about what is happening between us, and he even verbalized that.  I don't understand why.  I am happy with the situation, mostly.  I still get to date other people (you know, like the guys that like "4 whillin").  I have a backup for when I want to hang out.  I feel happy when I do get to see him, but never hit the bottom of the roller coaster that happens when you are actually dating somebody because there are no expectations.  Expectations breed disappointment like Sarah Palin breeds baby Alaskans.  I don't expect to talk to him.  I don't expect to see him.  Its a treat when I do.  Its no big whoop when I don't.  

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.  Anyone believe me?

2 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

OH.MY.GOD.YES.

Hmmm, that came out wrong. It sort of sounds like I might have had an orgasm. But I am totally where you said. Not at the bottom of the roller coaster. Not even on the roller coaster. This is like the carousel right? You get to pick the horse you want to ride, you always know where your horse is going. And the ups and downs are comforting in their predictability.

I am so with you here.

However, these are the questions that I am too scared to ask myself so I'll ask you instead. Are you still in love with him? When it's dark and you're alone, and you realize you actually have less than you did before, do you cry as much as I do? What if having him in your bed but not in your head means there's no space for Mr Better Than The X to come along and really make you happy?

Don't answer that.

Elena said...

Tell him that unless he is going to put on his big boy pants and be in a real, grown up relationship with you, then he had to find another bootie call. I hate how he says those things to you. You're way too good for him. The right guy is right around the corner and you won't meet him with this, excuse me but LOSER already in your bed.