Today, I realized that I may not have this whole BB situation truly under control. (I know that this is totally shocking to you.) I've been playing it calm and cool and had myself convinced that I was in charge, but I spent a lot of time with him over the past week and he is like my crack. The more I get, the more I want. I went to bed thinking about him, I woke up thinking about him, I thought about him a lot during the day. I did not call him to "just say hi" today though, so I give myself a little bit of credit there.
So, like I do when I get a bit depressed about it, I shop for boys on-line and depress myself further. The first guy that came up in my search? The VERY FIRST guy? Larry. A soft spoken Asian guy who works in the IT field.
Larry rides on my vanpool.
This confirms the fact that there are no dateable men anywhere near me. But then, I clicked on a cute guy. Who does not ride my vanpool. Who goes to the gym (or so he says), and mountain bikes (or so he says), and has a graduate degree (or so he says) and isn't religious, and might not want kids... And I think "if I don't sign up right now and email this guy, my soulmate could slip away." And then I panic.
WTF. Why do I do this to myself? (Trust me. I swear, it is not so that I can have crazy blog rants).
My decision? I made my profile visible. Its been hidden for over a year at this point, but is still fairly representative of who I am, and the pictures aren't terribly outdated. So, I made it visible, then clicked on his profile. If he is a savvy match.com user, he will see that I viewed him. He will look at my profile, then he will either think I am a nut job, or he will email me. And then, I will make a decision about what to do next.
The decision probably should be to find myself a therapist.