Friday, November 7, 2008

Dirty Old Men

Mars must be in retrograde; all the planets must be lined up and Pluto must have gotten a new moon because, otherwise, I have no explanation for why suddenly, old men are finding me attractive and desirable.  And letting me know about it.  And making me want to hurl.

I told you all about the email from the older guy from the neighborhood (which I never responded to despite my best intentions), but I didn't tell you about my creepy bbq stalker who sent me a letter that started out "Susan, you look GREAT in these pictures..."  The letter contained pictures of me, stalker guy and our governor.  I don't know why, but the fact that the pictures were taken with one of those disposable plastic cameras makes it all the creepier (like, if he owned a real camera it could be used as evidence against him?).  Some 65 year old in a truck also honked and winked at me today while I was walking downtown. 

But these things I wouldn't have thought that much about really, until Tuesday, when I was propositioned.  By an elderly Jewish man.  E.L.D.E.R.L.Y.

Because I clearly have nothing better to do than blog and work on political campaigns (because I sure as hell don't seem to be dating anymore!), I was a "greeter" at my local polling place for the big election.  I got there at 7am and handed out democratic propaganda all day.  "Hi!  Thanks for coming out today !  Would you like a copy of the democratic ballot card?  I can answer any questions you have!  Just let me know!  !"   

I worked from 7 until about 1, then took a break.  Somewhere at the end, an elderly gentleman who used to come to Town Council meetings, came to vote with his wife.  "Hi! Mr. Siverstein!  Would you like a ballot card?!?"  We chatted briefly about how much we hate the Mayor and he went inside to vote.  He came out of the polling place and we chatted more about Town politics and my recent unsuccessful battle with those bastards.  He was sympathetic and he told me the best way to organize a coup, then the conversation took a turn.  A wrong turn.  A very wrong turn.  He very nicely, in what I thought was a concerned Jewish grandfather kind of tone, asked me how my personal life was.  Well, we all know the answer to that and I think I told him  that boys can't keep up with me and I'm so smart and pretty I scare them off.  That's my typical response to that kind of question anyway.  He tells me that I need an older man.  I told him that I agreed, that maybe 30 year olds weren't mature enough for me.

Then he says something about us getting together or coming to a meeting or something, and I wasn't paying that much attention until he said "Would you dress like a school girl for me?"  And followed it up with something like, "my wife wouldn't need to know."

I was dumbfounded.  Seriously.  I'm going to cut this guy a break - he's elderly and in poor health.  He could have dementia, he could be on some sort of drugs that make you say things that you should only be thinking (but he shouldn't even be thinking that!) - but even so, how do you respond to something like that.  A simple "uh, no.  That's out of the question" doesn't even do it justice, but I think that's what I said.

Eeewww.  I'm not really sure what the heebie-jeebies are, but I think he gave them to me.

2 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

EEEWWW.

Yeah, that's really all I got.

(Still shaking head)

Katy said...

Ugh. Uncomforable moment. That's a smile and laugh and run away kind of moment. They're just amazed by your beauty, wit, and maturity. :)