Saturday, December 13, 2008

Lassoing the Moon

Christmas movies are such crap, but Christmas movies from the 40's are the worst.  NBC is currently treating me to the holiday classic, Its a Wonderful Life.  You remember it: George Bailey stays home to run the family business, forgoes traveling around the world, hooks up with a barely legal woman (albeit, in the 40's if you were 18 and not married, you were almost a spinster), gets married and almost gets run out of town when the Building and Loan goes bust, then tries to fling himself off a bridge.  Pretty uplifting, huh?  

Before things really get rolling, George "meets" Mary, although he has known her his entire life.  Apparently, she was only worth talking to when she was "all grown up" (e.g. "now she has boobies!").  So, they do the charleston, fall in a pool and he walks her home, all wet and naked under her clothes.  He barley knows her, hasn't even kissed her, but offers her anything she wants.  He will lasso the moon for her, if she just says the word.  She falls for it, they get married, she cross stitches a pillow then pops out a gazillion little kids with ringlet curls.

If I had a nickel for every time a boy offered to lasso me the moon on a first date...  Here, I'll give you a second, count up yours...

Ready?  Start counting...

How many?

Oh, zero?  Really?  How surprising!

I doubt highly that actual guys in the 40's really used lines like that, but you never know.  What if someone said something that ridiculous to me on a first date?  I would never, ever, ever talk to them ever again.  I might actually flee from them, and I'm not even sure what a good flee looks like.  They would become the butt of all jokes for years to come.  Trust me, its happened to other guys who have made the mistake of being sweet and sensitive anywhere near me or my friends.  Lasso the moon?  Shit, just pay for dinner dude, and drive me home.

 

3 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

Holy crap, you are too funny!

Anonymous said...

I love any Christmas movie that starts off with the hilarity of suicide! That's SOOOO funny!!!

I'm more of a White Christmas kind of guy. No pretension about it. It's *all* about hookin' up!!

Mike said...

Wow...you need a vacation.