Its been quite a while since I've felt in control of the BB situation, but last night, I saw it. I felt it. It felt good. I'm sure it won't last, but, whatever. I can be proud of myself for a day or two, right?
I worked in the city Tuesday and Wednesday. Normally, I work 50 miles from the city, but BB works there every day. I'm always tempted to see him when I'm there - I mean, its so convenient. The thought crossed my mind that I could actually stay at his place and save myself some time. Night meeting Tuesday night, early morning meetings Wednesday... My house is 30 miles away. His? Three. But, I resisted the urge. I had to remind myself that his apartment is not a hotel (although, sometimes I get a warm towel handed to me for my shower, there's often continental breakfast and the wake up calls are quite pleasant). I broke down Tuesday night during the meeting and texted him - "want a dinner partner?" It didn't work out - my meeting ran too late. I chatted with him on the phone as I drove home, but that was the extent of it. I figured it would be a while before I saw him again.
Wednesday I was done work at noon, then headed to the mall. To Christmas shop. For myself. (I wanted fancy pants for my upcoming parties. No fancy pants, but I did get a pair of denim trousers and new pair of comfy Clarks). Then off to Jo-Ann Fabrics. For what, you ask? Embroidery thread for your friendship bracelets (true story)!
Just as I was about to jump on the highway and head home, a text came in from BB asking if I was in town. I was pleased, of course. So, we met for dinner. Got a nice table right next to the fireplace at his favorite tavern. He was late - got held up at the hospital. So I amused myself by drinking and reading the menu, in detail. Three times. When he finally arrived, I think for the first time in a while, I saw him as others might see him. Haggard. Tired. Overweight. A bit sloppy. Honestly, if I didn't know he was a doctor, I would think he was coming off a brutal shift at Circuit City.
Electronics salesman outfit or not, I still beamed at him when he walked in. And repeated to myself "you are going home tonite, you are going home tonite..." We had a lovely dinner, and went to his house for desert (cannoli and chocolate covered pretzels. Not what you were thinking was it? Get your mind out of the gutter!) "You are going home tonite. You are going home tonite." We watched some videos, traded backrubs and I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight.
And locked the door as I left.
Then I realized that I left my glasses. Had to knock on the door, rustle him out of bed and retrieve them. As I left again, he says "are you sure you're not staying? Really? Are you sure?" Yup. I was sure.
Hand, baby! Hand!