I related my wake up call story via email to the nice (not really, more bitter than nice) lesbian woman that I ride the van to work with, when she emailed to find out who would be on the van for the rest of the week (clearly not me, since I can't manage to set my alarm properly). She wrote back asking whether it was Arlo or Leroy.
Excuse me?! She knows my cats names?!
I have talked about my cats exactly twice to this woman. I really try to keep the cat thing on the down low. They are my pets, not my children. I don't talk obsessively about them. I don't carry pictures of them in my wallet (ok, I don't even own a wallet) or on my phone (my phone is so crappy and old you wouldn't be able to tell it was a cat anyway). But she does! Whole cell phone filled with cat pictures. She even sent me some over email! Clearly, she loves her cats (please refrain from lesbian jokes in your head featuring the word "pussy").
So, my huge ego has now convinced the sane normal part of me that this woman has a crush on me. Why else would she have instantly memorized the names of my cats? I've had friends who, for years, have called Arlo "Elvis". They remember its a music person that starts with a vowel. Elvis is what they keep coming up with. So my lesbian van friend is either super extra cat crazy, or I might want to stop wearing shirts on the van that enhance my cleavage.
A superior demonstration in passive aggressive behavior was the other funny thing that happened to me today. I have a co-worker who doesn't like me much. And when I say "doesn't like me much," I really mean "despises me with an unmatched passion." I'd like to think that its because I'm terribly cute and popular (remember my ego?). Its probably more because I'm the self-centered, self-congratulatory, semi-bitchy, slightly manipulative fair-haired golden child of the office. Oh, and I've been promoted twice since she started asking for a promotion. I would hate me too. But the fact that I'm kinda cute must have something to do with it, right?
(No? Its not ok to say no!)
Its such a little thing, but it cracked me up. Susan-hater made a new little, phone sized phone- list for herself. Perfect size for taping onto the little space on our new Cisco phones. And she made one for everyone else in the office. Except for me. Oh, and except for the guy that only works in the office some of the time and refuses to pick up the phone (clearly, he doesn't need one). We have a bunch of people out at a conference right now, and their little, full color lists were all propped up next to their phone, demonstrating the love she has for them. Love for them, but not for me!
I honestly ran around the office checking to see who got one and who didn't get one. My secretary and I kabitzed about it for at least 20 minutes, then it occurred to me later that I needed to check to make sure that my name was on the list. It was. Small favors...
It probably gave her tremendous satisfaction that her little gesture made everyone's office life a little easier. Except for mine. I honestly thought about asking her for one, or talking to her about how shitty it was that she excluded me. But what purpose would that have served? None. No purpose whatsoever. So, I photocopied one, and cut it down to size myself. The stark black and white of my list (as opposed to everybody else's orange and white) will remind me every time I look at it of how petty and immature fully grown adults can sometimes be.
And I will giggle. And move on. But I'm not inviting her to lunch...