I started therapy today. The kind of therapy that is supposed to result in me not drinking my dinner anymore. I don't think its working - perhaps it will take more than one session.
Its amazing what a perfect stranger can surmise about your personality in 45 minutes. She looked surprised when I said that I never wanted to have kids. "But you would make a great mother." How the hell would she know I would make a great mother? She had been talking to me for 15 minutes! Clearly, she has never heard my inner thoughts when I'm in the grocery store and there is a whiny bratty 8 year old in line in front of me.
I outlined the things that had been giving me some trouble recently: BB, my father, and boredom. We made some goals. She told me that I was "too nice." Seriously lady? Have you met me?! But, she's right. I may be a snarky bitch, but damn, I'll rearrange my life for people who don't deserve it. Yes, that's right. People. Apparently, BB is not the only one that I'm too nice to.
She also told me that I have a low self-esteem.
No, no. I'll wait for you to stop laughing.
Are you done yet?
Ok. I'm going to keep going. Get a hold of yourself.
I wonder if one can simultaneously have an enormous ego and low self-esteem? This is a question I'm going to pose to her next time. Because, and we all know this, my ego is out of control. Even when I hurt, my ego is still pretty friggin huge.
Regardless, I am really glad that I am taking this step. I'm ready for it. I'm ready to make some changes and stick up for myself a little bit more.