Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day Venom

I'll give you one guess as to who these were not from:


Hey! Good for you! And only one guess!

Yes. These flowers were not from BB. They were from a dear old friend who knew I was having a really rough week. And friends, a really rough week I had. BB was just one piece of the misery pie last week, and in all honestly, a minor piece. I had some serious family crap going on. And someday friends, I will share with you that crap, but I'm still not ready to put it all out there. I am eternally grateful to my friends who were there for me this week with cards, flowers, phone calls and alcohol. Boys will come and go, but my friends will always be there for me.

So, do you want to know what BB did to push me over the edge? No?  Well, too bad, because I've got to get it out. And in a couple days, BB and I are going to have to have a serious chat. And I hope I am strong enough to stick to my guns and let him know where I stand.

BB gets what he wants almost all the time. BB does what he wants, when he wants (when he isn't working). He is not good at compromise and he is lousy at incorporating other people into his plans. Several weeks back, we had discussed going somewhere for a weekend, since he had a record number of weekends off in the early part of this year. But, it got dropped when he started working nights and was so friggin' tired all the time. So you might imagine my surprise when on Monday night, he tells me that he is going on a weekend trip with his friend J, who is a girl he was friends with in medical school.

I understand that he wants to spend time with J. Not a problem in the least. Here's where the pain started:

He is using vacation days to go away with her. Sweet, precious vacation days. Then he is going home to interview for jobs. Not once in the course of our "relationship" (even when we were in a relationship) have we gone away for the weekend. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever has he spent a vacation day on me.

And, the knife twists just a little more when you add these three facts into the mix: I have a three day weekend and could easily take more time off; I had a horrible week with my family and could have used a mini-break from reality after it was said and done; and, oh yeah, its Valentine's Day weekend.

BB chose to go away with another woman for four days over Valentine's Day.

The most hurtful part is the vacation days he is spending. I hate Valentine's Day and have always hated Valentine's day so its not really a huge factor in the hurt, but when you really think about it... I mean, he might as well have driven down here and smacked me in the face.

Oh, but he wouldn't drive down here for that. I mean, I live 40 minutes away from him. But, he would drive 4 hours to go somewhere with J.  The boy hasn't come to my house since September, but he has visited J (who lives 2 hours away) twice since then.

I'm hurt. I'm angry. I feel very, very used.  And very, very unappreciated.

It took me until Friday to tell him how I felt.  I avoided his phone calls all week, because I couldn't handle telling him how hurt I was while simultaneously dealing with my family issue.  It was just too much - so I pushed the hurt down as far as possible and tried to hide from it for a few days.  

I spoke with him very briefly Friday night.  He was en route to pick up J and wisk her away wherever the fuck they were going.  I am embarrassed at myself because instead of picking up the phone like a big girl, I sent him a snarky text message.  He immediately called me.  I picked up the phone and said:

"I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have sent that text message."

BB (in mocking tones): "Are we having a hissy fit?"

Oh.  My.  God.  Its the day before Valentine's Day, you are on your way to pick up another girl for a weekend trip and you expect me to not be having a hissy fit?

Susan:  "No.  I'm not having a hissy fit.  I'm hurt by your decision to go away this weekend and I needed to tell you."  Yadda.  Yadda.  Vacation time.  Not spending any on me.  Blah.  Blah.  Yadda.

BB (in doctor explaining deadly disease to patient voice): "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Susan: "Yeah.  Me too, asshole."  Only, I said that in my head.  I think what I actually said was "(painful awkward silence)".

He tried to explain how things had come together with her schedule and his schedule.  Whatever.  He also said he "wouldn't have changed his decision."  That's right, because he does what he wants, when he wants with no consideration for others.

I, on the other hand, have spent the past six months considering him in almost everything I do.  Rearranging my weekends to make time for him.  Blowing off kayak training sessions so I could sleep late with him.  Wasting beautiful days inside his apartment instead of outside hiking.

I consider him every day.  He apparently considers me his concubine.  And its going to stop, one way or another.


Ms Behaviour said...

That's shitty. Truly shitty. And I would know (you've read my blog, right?) Anyway, hold on to the anger as long as you can if that's what it will take to get him out of your head and your heart.

Honestly though, it's easier if there's something (someone?) good to look forward to. And that will come when you're least expecting it. Perhaps even when you have decided you don't need it anymore.

I could not have kicked Grey out of my life if it hadn't been for C le V showing me how men are supposed treat women. And let's face it, I may not yet have kicked Grey out of my life. I don't know that I'll be able to say no to him if I ever see/speak to him again.

In the meantime, drink more wine and smell those roses. It's the little good things that will keep you grounded.

i like cheese said...

I have been where you are right now, and I will probably be there matter how much I know that I don't deserve such too smart for such things, etc.
But BB needs to lose access to you. As long as he has easy access, he is going to treat you the way that he treats you.
Easier said than done, I know. But when you put someone like that first, all they are going to do is take advantage of it.
I'm sorry!!! He's a jerk!!!

Unknown said...

man. that. sucks.

I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and in some strange way had hoped that things with BB would work out.

However with this latest move he seems to be a total prat.

Which is unfortunate. I hope your weekend turned out better and things with the family are working out.

Anonymous said...

And sadly, that's how it is in any relationship where the power equation is not somewhat equal. BB has the power and control in this relationship because he doesn't have the same feelings for you (I think) that you do for him. So it's not as big a deal for him to do whatever the hell he wants, because he simply doesn't care on the same level as you do...

And that's the core of the problem, as you well know. You love him and he... well... you know...


kristen said...

i expect the immediate aftermath of the friday conversation...

Katy said...

Yet another reason why even though I've never met him, I think he's a total dick. I love that you tag this entry "douchebags." Right on. What an ass. Don't be his concubine. He's not worthy.