Sunday, March 8, 2009

Confessions of Recovering BB Addict

So boys, I just want to let you know what you are up against...

I was just doing some searches on Amazon, most notably for the Anne of Green Gables DVD.  It makes me cry every single time, but in a happy way.  I seem to have developed a habitat of watching it after tough breakups.  The whole series takes hours and hours and hours to watch - perfect when all you want to do is hide on the couch for the day, cry and eat pizza.  

BB is a big fan of Amazon.com - so much so that he gets even the little stuff there (think toothpaste and deodorant).  Really bizarre.  So, while I'm wandering from amazon item to amazon item, it occurs to me that I could log on as him (because of course I committed his password to memory, just in case) and keep tabs on him by seeing what he was buying.  I thought very hard about doing this for about 3.5 seconds, then snapped out of it.

Why would I even think about doing this?  I know its a terrible idea.  Almost the same as logging on to someone's email account.  It would serve absolutely no purpose, yet for half a second, I actually considered it.

Guys, this is what you are up against.  Normally sane, rational women do stupid irrational things after a breakup.  Jeezus.  What if I logged on and he had bought condoms?  Can you imagine how that would have felt?  Awful.  Just awful.

So, of course I'm not going to log on to see what he's buying.  I'm not going to log onto his email (if I could remember that password).  I know that these things are bad for me and my mental health.  Its just that sometimes, even the strongest of us have a weak moment or two. 

Mine has passed.  For now.

5 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

Oh my goodness, I totally breathed a sigh of relief that you didn't log on to his Amazon. I was holding my breath for that entire paragraph. My Anne of Green Gables is the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, second DVD. Sometimes, when I'm feeling like I need a particularly violent sob fest, I watch Love, Actually. The funeral part always gets me bad.

kristen said...

ha! what, you dont want to put yourself in a shameful spiral of logging onto an exes accounts just so that you can know his EVERY.SINGLE.STEP until you are so weak that you have to confess it to him just so that he will change the passwords as that is the only way you will ever make yourself stop?

i dont understand why - i mean, its so much fun to torture yourself and follow it up with humiliation like that... or so i've heard...

Susan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan said...

risten: Ahhh, the memories! Thanks for that valuable life lesson. And finding out whether BB ordered new socks wouldn't quite be the same as email checking, would it?

EB: Never saw the pride and prejudice, but maybe its time...

Susan said...

PS - the reason there is a deleted comment is because I can't type - not because anybody said anything mean about my obsession. though, they certainly would have room too...