Sunday, March 15, 2009

Life, as told by Quicken

I am woefully behind on just about everything.  The garden?  A mess.  The house? A mess.  My taxes?  Should have been done a month ago.  Work.  Oh god, I don't even want to talk about it. And apparently, I haven't balanced my checkbook since 2008.  I don't want to really place blame, but a large reason things are such a mess here where I type to you is because of the home time I gave up for the sheer pleasure of BB's company (insert sarcasm).

Now, as I'm trying to emerge from my BB haze, I have found a pile of shit on my desk six inches high.  Unpaid bills.  Undone homework.  Random things that hook my computer to other things.  Coffee cups.  Beer glasses.  Apples that are no longer edible.  Old Navy coupons that expired in September.  And more shit too embarrassing to admit to.  So, I began digging out...

Although I rarely, if ever, use it for anything practical, I enter all my expenses into Quicken.  I think that someday, I will go back into it an analyze where all my money goes (hint: beer, wine and kayaking equipment.)  I actually have a category for "frivolous crap".  Also, I have a category for beer and wine.  You don't even want to see what that looks like monthly. Particularly after I discovered Costco's no-membership-required liquor store.

The problem with going over your bank statements three months after you have made purchases?  Yeah.  Its full of memories of purchases you've made with people who are no longer a part of your life.  December featured dinners at the pub, my guitar hero guitar, playstation games, sunday breakfasts...  January is no different; except the dinners were more expensive.  It stops in February; and next month, there will be no BB related purchases - unless you count the trips to Costco's liquor store, the spa and the mall as BB related (p.s: they were).

It stung more the first time this happened with BB.  Almost exactly a year ago, I remember sitting here with the bank statements, bawling my eyes out.  Particularly as I entered the last dinner we had together - the one I purchased hours before we broke up.  I still occasionally scroll up and stare at that entry. Incredulously.  

Next time, I'm leaving the bank statements on the desk until I am truly ready to face them.


Ms Behaviour said...

Or you could just stop going back through old expenses? I only look at my VISA bill to make sure there's nothing on there that isn't mine. I'm dreading seeing the Montreal charges next month but, after that, it will be all me again.

Unknown said...

It is an awful feeling isn't it?
I'm doing much of the same spring cleaning/purging myself - 2 years after a 17 year marriage was ending/ended (hint I am only 36).

Old boxes under the stairs with papers with the Other's handwriting on them, movie tickets, plane tickets, bank statements. Memories of those times and the dichotomy of remebering those good times, yet wondering where it all went and how you feel now.

I feel for you. Best of luck.

Susan said...

Wow Toddbg. Way to put it in perspective for me. I can't help feeling sad, but I've only known this guy for a year. You must be feeling 17x the pain that I am as you remember the good times, and wonder whether to keep or destroy those plane tix (hint - keep them. Actual tickets will someday be a collectors item)

EB: I promise myself every month that I'm going to keep up. Then realize that its been three months since I promised myself that. Besides, keeping track has really come in handy on my taxes!

kristen said...

Dude why enter everything or balance a checkbook? That's so five years ago. Your CPA insists that you stop! Just look at ATM receipts and move on!