Yesterday, over gchat, we made plans to go out again. Tomorrow night. He has a class, I have a meeting - so we will meet afterwards and grab a few drinks. I'm really looking forward to it. But in some ways, I'm not. I've already placed all these expectations on the situation. Not on purpose, of course, but my mind wanders into the future. Then, if it doesn't flow as well tomorrow and he doesn't fall instantly, madly in love with me (which I'm sure he already has), I'll be disappointed.
I need to not overthink this; but its really difficult. Its been over year since I've connected with someone and felt so at ease with them. I know full well that this guy isn't perfect, but I don't know yet what those imperfections are. And whether I could live with them. Its too early to worry about those things; but it doesn't stop me from thinking about them.
And, already, I feel as if I'm already pushing him away. I'm extra edgy; extra cynical; extra sarcastic - I tend to be like that when I meet new people, but I'm really turning it on this time.
(For some reason, I think that a sharp, acrid personality will make people like me. I know this to be completely untrue, but I still act that way. Its almost like in college, when Prex poured beer on my car late one night, so I would stay and hang out with him and his drunk-ass friends. Why would he think that pissing me off would make me want to spend time with him? Yet, this seems to be the same logic I am clinging to, except, I'm not drunk. Or 22 years old.)
Good lord. Someone should really do men a favor and just take me out of the dating pool. Permanently.