Friday, May 29, 2009

Sleeping intimacy

I had no intention of spending the night last week.  None whatsoever.  It is way too early.  WAY TOO EARLY.  The last time I spent the night too early, I got my heart trounced.  Twice.

And, I'm not talking about sex.  I'm talking about just sleeping.  Sharing a bed.  Listening to the sounds of each other sleeping, knowing the side of the bed they sleep on, knowing how they move during the night...  Its bizarre to become that intimate with a person when you hardly know them.  Sex?  No problem.  Not that I'm known for my sexual prowess early in a relationship (or in the middle of a relationship, or a the end of one.  Though sometimes after its over...) - but you can do the deed and roll out, back to your own house and your own bed.  You don't ever find out whether they make sounds, or toss and turn, or put out oven-like body heat, or drool and fart.

It started like this with BB.  I spent the night in his bed on our very first date.  He had invited me back to his house (man, I am gullible!) and we got into some wine.  At 4:oo am, it was clear that I wasn't going home and we went to bed.  He gave me a t-shirt and boxers to wear, and we made out and eventually fell asleep.  That's what started the whole long BB dilemma.  I felt emotionally bonded with him because we had spooned for 3 hours, before daylight broke (and before my head started pounding with a viciousness that wouldn't quit).  'Course, we had sex for the first time within a week of knowing each other; but in my defense, it was our third date.  

I've often wondered what would have happened if I had played it cool.  Been more aloof and less available.  Would he have lost interest?  More importantly, would I have lost interest?  Without that physical/emotional connection, there wasn't really much else to "us" since he didn't like to interact with people or leave the house.  

So, this is why I'm slightly horrified that once again, I got myself tipsy and had to stay away from being behind the wheel of my car.  Prof and I hung out at his house for a while, then went to bed.  Of course there was makey outey, touchy touchy, but it was G rated.  Good thing we'd had a long conversation about sex too early in a relationship (verdict: its bad). 

Sleeping with and waking up with someone changes things.  Snuggling with them all night changes things.  Having them follow you and reposition the spoon as you roll back and forth changes things.  And a fucking excellent 6:30 am back rub?  Shit.  That really changed things.  (I didn't even have to ask!  But that's a bit off topic and more on the topic of how much I like this guy.)

We really only slept for 3 hours, max.  And it was fitful.  Sleeping in a strange bed with a strange man is weird.  It puts you a bit on edge, even when you know its safe and fine.  Its just not comfortable yet.  And all night I was wondering how it would change things, whether it would intensify feelings, and maybe speed up the pace of making this thing exclusive or speed up the pace of me flaking out and running for the hills.

Today when I saw him, things were different.  We were more comfortable with eachother.  I had less of my guard up (but still plenty, don't you worry about that!)  I don't know.  This might wind up being something and I don't want to play it wrong.


Elena said...

So, when do we meet him?

Ms Behaviour said...

Dammit woman, he gave you a sleepy backrub! If you don't want him, I'll take him ;)

trish said...

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