Sunday, June 21, 2009

Defining the Relationship

So, he's totally my boyfriend.

We spent friday night through sunday afternoon together. I reached out to him for emotional support this week when my boss turned crazy on me. I showed him pictures of my youth, and junior and senior prom. And marching band. When I was the drum major. I saw pictures of his ex-wife, from the early 90's (all the other ones seem to have been destroyed). We've shared fears, hopes, and embarrassments. I have a hairdryer, toothbrush and birth control pills at his house.

I mean, its done. End of story. That's a boyfriend.

Yet, it still feels really weird to say it out loud. Or to think it in my head. And he feels the same way. We talked about it a lot over the weekend. I think we both know its happened, and we had the talk about being exclusive, but the term boyfriend sounds so serious. And scary. And quasi-permanent.

The last time I had a boyfriend, I got crushed. Twice. Ok fine, the second time was totally my fault, but the first time wasn't and it devastated me. He's divorced and hasn't gotten this close to someone since the divorce. So we are both scared. Well, I am at any rate. And I suspect that he is too. When you are boyfriend/girlfriend, one of two things will eventually happen: you will break up, or you will stay together. I've already jumped to fearing the pain of breaking up.

So, we tried to find another term to define us. I tried "going steady" but you can't refer to someone as your "going steady mate." We aren't "dating" anymore, because we are exclusive. He suggested that I just start calling him my ex, since that will eventually be the case anyway. It was funny at the time, but now it seems awful.

So, is there another term for this early boyfriend/girlfriend stage? Or do you really have to jump from just dating to the boyfriend stage? Or do you just have to suck it up, grow a set and deal with it until it doesn't feel awkward every time that word comes out of your mouth?

6 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

Significant other? Life partner? Yeah I hate all of those terms. The guy I'm boinking exclusively? THE ONE?! Sheesh. There's nothing good. Maybe that's why people get married. I dunno.

kristen said...

grow a set...

honestly, if nothing else throwing the term around loosely will make it easier if you need to have a future boyfriend. and if you dont, you'll laugh about how freaked out you were by the word and how husband is even stranger...

erin said...

Man friend? I like that term because it makes me laugh, even when I say it in my head.

Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kathleen said...

Susan, Susan, Susan -- how about "sweetheart", as in "This is my sweetheart _____", or "partner" or "main squeeze", "heart throb", "current preoccupation", "the reason why I'm done on sleep", "best friend", "in the running for best friend"...

Or maybe just relax a bit and let it ride. Who cares what you call each other. Enjoy yourself and don't think so much?

I guess you won't be coming to ME this summer, eh baby?

All the best to you. Have fun!

Love Cynic said...

Sweetheart? Wow. I think I would have to barf every time those words came out of my mouth. But maybe, calling him 'sweetheart' for a week or so would make calling him 'boyfriend' so much more palatable!