Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Panic

I'm becoming overwhelmed. Again.

I thought that when the semester ended, I would pick up the pieces (along with all the crap on my floor) and be able to rejuvenate, catch up, breathe...

Then prof came along. And everything is chaotic again.

We "celebrated" our monthiversary yesterday. Yes. We did. I know. Its disgusting. A month ago yesterday, we met for the first time. And things clicked. And we liked each other. And now, we are both putting everything else on the back burner to spend time with each other. Mostly, its affecting how much sleep I get (and him too). Which is seriously interfering with work. And when work is going poorly, it affects my personal life, which affects my work... And the downward spiral continues.

The panic set in today after I went home with a migraine that may or may not have been caused by lack of sleep and got a work related call that just illustrated how tremendously screwed up things are at work right now. And it reminded me that I would be handling it better if I was well rested and focused. But I'm not. I'm tired and unfocused. I want to gchat with prof rather than doing the long term strategic planning that needs to happen. I want to leave early so I can play with him. I want to take time off for long weekends. And I want to do all the other stuff that's important to me too. But I can't do everything. Something has to go, and I have no idea what its going to be. Other than my sanity.

This is why its easier to be single: you can focus on only yourself and all your own stuff. When you are with someone, you have to focus on your own stuff, and his stuff and finding enough quality time. I'm not sure I know how to do this whole gig without dropping. Or without being committed to a nice place with padded walls and lots and lots of tranquilizers.

4 comments:

Elusive Butterfly said...

If you tell him you are feeling this way (exhausted and overwhelmed), I'm sure he will have something constructive to contribute. It sounds like you two make a great couple and great couples are smarter when they put their heads together to come up with a solution. Also, remember that the honeymoon will eventually wear off so don't try to kill it too soon. A couple of nights away from each other will make him miss you which will make the honeymoon last longer... you get the idea.

kristen said...

so i guess now i know that at least its not that you're not talking to me - you're just ignoring your entire life...

however, do you honestly think that you'd rather be worried about work and a clean house than playing with the boy? oh hell no. its just like driving backwards thru the ATM... step away from the rule book and do what you want to do rather than what you are 'supposed' to do.

and EB is right - this mushy crap wears off on its own anyway... it has to - if the entire in-relationtion world walked around in the new-relationship haze, not a damn thing would ever get done!

erin said...

Honeymoon period will end eventually and then it's back to worrying about the work stuff again. Eff work. Enjoy this time with the Prof!

P.S. My number one work rule is that everything always gets done eventually. I am not a surgeon, no one's life hangs in the balance, I am not going to worry about it. (Even though I do sometimes anyway.) (Also, if you are a surgeon, you can ignore this.)

Love Cynic said...

Nope. I'm not a surgeon. Although I definitely wanted to cut someone today...

You are all right. Honeymoon period is awesome. And exhausting. And it will end. And then I will get to sleep again.

We've taken off most of the week - resisting the temptation to play for exactly all the reasons you've listed. We will hang out this weekend and be well rested, and caught up, and happy to see each other. Not stressed out and resenting each other. I hope.