I thought that when the semester ended, I would pick up the pieces (along with all the crap on my floor) and be able to rejuvenate, catch up, breathe...
Then prof came along. And everything is chaotic again.
We "celebrated" our monthiversary yesterday. Yes. We did. I know. Its disgusting. A month ago yesterday, we met for the first time. And things clicked. And we liked each other. And now, we are both putting everything else on the back burner to spend time with each other. Mostly, its affecting how much sleep I get (and him too). Which is seriously interfering with work. And when work is going poorly, it affects my personal life, which affects my work... And the downward spiral continues.
The panic set in today after I went home with a migraine that may or may not have been caused by lack of sleep and got a work related call that just illustrated how tremendously screwed up things are at work right now. And it reminded me that I would be handling it better if I was well rested and focused. But I'm not. I'm tired and unfocused. I want to gchat with prof rather than doing the long term strategic planning that needs to happen. I want to leave early so I can play with him. I want to take time off for long weekends. And I want to do all the other stuff that's important to me too. But I can't do everything. Something has to go, and I have no idea what its going to be. Other than my sanity.
This is why its easier to be single: you can focus on only yourself and all your own stuff. When you are with someone, you have to focus on your own stuff, and his stuff and finding enough quality time. I'm not sure I know how to do this whole gig without dropping. Or without being committed to a nice place with padded walls and lots and lots of tranquilizers.