Until this week.
I don't know what the hell happened, but his eyes turned yellow, the horns grew, and a little fire pit developed at his feet. All of a sudden, things he's been ignoring for months are critically important, and its my fault they aren't done. He's lashing out at people and acting like a total prick in meetings. But, these things are fine. I can deal, and laugh it off.
But, he pushed it too far today. By suggesting that he wanted to move my office. And I'm in a total fit.
I've had an office with a window and a door for almost ten years. It was a lucky accident when I started that the only computer available was in there and he was too lazy to find any other space. It was supposed to be "temporary" but due to his inability to make a decision, became permanent. I didn't deserve that office then, but I sure as hell deserve it now. And I don't take it for granted. At all. But now, he thinks that it would be good for the office if I were to move out, and move into a shared office. An office that would be stared with a brand new intern.
No. You don't share an office with an intern. Particularly when you will be supervising that intern. Its demoralizing to even suggest it; and that combined with the pay cut we will be taking in just two weeks was enough to really make me think about my career options. And weapons training.
So, I wanted to kill someone. I have a knot of anxiety in my stomach. I can't eat. I'm going to deal with it, and I expect that I will win, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Nor does having someone to share my misery with.
Prof was very sympathetic this afternoon and expressed just the right amount of outrage about the situation in a rapid-fire email exchange. But, I felt lame for even talking about it. Felt silly for sharing it. Felt vulnerable because I was looking for his support.
I'm pretty good at handling things by myself and have become accustomed to not talking about problems with anyone. Particularly work problems. Who the hell wants to hear this shit? Whine, Whine, office space. Whine, whine, my boss is a prick. Duh. Everyone deals with stuff like this. And I have too. But it feels more tragic when I share it with someone. And that, I don't like.