I mean, I am a perfectly wonderful individual and a great friend. I've got your back in any situation. In a crises, I'm pretty good as long as the hysterics are minimal, then I'm kinda at a loss. I'm quite sure that if any of my friends even get stricken down with some horrible disease, I'm going to be the one organizing the casserole brigade to make sure she doesn't starve. I pick up trash off the street when I walk, and smile and say hello to strangers.
But I'm not nice.
In a relationship, I do all that too - the support, the encouragement, the making hummus from scratch so we have something to take to 4th of July picnic, the birthday weekend planning, nice dinners made with a loving hand... But, I don't say nice things often enough. Apparently. I think that doing nice things should be enough, but I'm not sure that it is.
Actually, it isn't.
I can totally understand his point of view. He says nice things to me all the time: how he likes being with me; feels happy when I'm around; he comments on my outfits and tells me I'm cute; tells me I have beautiful eyes, feet, ass, eyebrows and whatnot (no, he has never really told me I have beautiful eyebrows. I am just illustrating a point here, people). I totally and completely know how he feels about me.
I, on the other hand, do not say these things to him. I don't think I know how to. He does cute things, and I note to myself that he is being cute, but I don't tell him. I don't tell him how it feels to be around him; I don't tell him that I think his eyes (eyebrows?) are beautiful. But, I will point out if he is ripe, or sweaty, or has deodorant on his shirt or has told a joke that simply is not funny (happens a lot. Although there is an occasional good one in there). I think its ok if I say these things, then laugh and kiss him. But, it might not be. And if it is ok, it won't be for long.
Its been pointed out to me that I don't say nice things - so, it is starting to bother him. And, absolutely, for good reason.
But this is my ingrained behavior. This is my thing. This is how I operate. You be sweet to me; I suck the life blood out of you. Any wonder that I haven't had a real boyfriend for more than 6 months since 2002?
So, it has been recognized. And it has been discussed, a little bit. And regardless of the reason, I need to get over myself and start saying things out loud that I am thinking in my head if I want to keep this one around. I have vowed to say nice things tomorrow - even if its just one. His heart will probably stop from the shock. And then I'll have to start all over again...