I had an internal struggle as to whether I should use the time to go to the gym, but the skies started clearing and the sun started poking through, so I decided to go kayaking instead. But by the time I got home, the skies were ominous and grey and threatening again. So my only option was to leave the boat on top of the car to fill up with water yet again, and take a nap.
I didn't really intend to nap, but I started reading a book, then got sleepy, and it was raining... 2 hours later, I woke up, wondering whether Prof could possibly, really be a transsexual.
(yes, you read that right. Keep reading)
I really shouldn't nap, because strange, strange things happen in the bowels of my brain when I do. And for some reason, I vividly and sharply remember my nap dreams.
This particular dream was disturbing and enlightening at the same time. In the dream, I had attended a class that Prof was teaching (I may or may not have actually been a student in the class). For some reason, my mom and a bunch of other professors were there as well. Fast forward to a totally unrelated scene where my mother had my kayak on a trailer on the back of a golf cart and the straps were breaking and she wouldn't stop to fix it. Then, my mother told me that the other professors had shared with her that Prof, my boyfriend, used to be a woman and had had a sex change operation.
Of course, my immediate dream reaction was revulsion and horror. The mother figure wanted me to stop seeing him. But in my dream, I told her that that what was in the past was in the past and that I supported him and that we would work through it. Then there was a flood in the shower that we kept fixing, but the room would fill back up with water again. Then, I woke up.
How come my subconscious self can say the right things when a horrible situation arises, but my conscious self always botches it?
Clearly, Prof is not a transsexual. Is that the right term? Or is it transgender? Well, whatever it is, he isn't one. He's definitely a boy (though he prefers to be called a man). But for a split second between being asleep and being awake, I wondered if we had talked about gender identification issues!! The brain is such a strange thing.
We could probably analyze the crap out of this particular dream, but I think I've done a good job. The transgender thing, while totally out of left field, is likely a reaction to an issue a close friend is having right now (not with a transgender boyfriend though!). And the sticking up for him thing? Well, I don't really know what that is about, other than the fact that my subconscious is telling me that I'm in this thing, while my conscious self is still deciding. And maybe my conscious self is freaking out a little bit that we've been together for three months. Last time I hit the three month mark with a boy was 2005.
So, of course, I had to tell Prof right away so he could start coming to terms with his transsexualness. He was ok with it. And I'm sure it made him happy that at least my subconscious self is on his side, because sometimes, I don't make it real easy.