Sunday, August 2, 2009

Urinal Cakes

I am a bit of a control freak.

If this comes as a shock to you, you are either new here, or you don't pay much attention.

When I leave for vacation, I like to leave my house spotless. Well, as spotless as possible for a girl who stores both her mountain bike and kayak in the living room, near where the cat likes to poo on the carpet. So, let me restate: other than the river funk, trail dirt and cat poo, I like for my house to be clean.

So, I'm cleaning and packing, and wasting time, and cleaning and packing, and blogging. Then, for extra fun, I decided that I would give the toilets a once over, so that the bathroom would smell good when I came home (unlike my living room. Wonder if I can get the couch and the tv into the powder room?)

The powder room is in good shape, because it gets the bowl treatment on a regular basis, so I can pretend to visitors that I am an actual grown-up. So, I wander up to the master bathroom, with my fancy Target Method citrus smelling toilet bowl cleaner and get to work.

Only, something is different.

The toilet is, like, way gross.

I look at it, horrified. What the hell has happened? Why is the rim of my toilet so disgusting? And covered with weird yellow spots? I seriously ponder this for about 30 seconds; which is a long time to think about your toilet (go ahead, try to visualize your toilet for 30 seconds and see what happens).

Then I remember.

I have a boy now.

And, that boy occasionally sleeps with me at my house (lucky bastard). And on those occasions, he uses my toilet. I mean, I don't want to completely place blame on him for the disgusting state of my toilet, but if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, its probably peeing on your toilet.

Why, you ask, did I feel the need to share this little tidbit of information? Mostly because I'm procrastinating from actually having to touch the toilet, which I haven't worked up the courage to do yet. But also because, its reason #347 that having a boyfriend complicates your life. Who wants to have to spend more time cleaning toilets? Jeez...


kayakgirl said...

be happy your man is not lactose intolerant.

Janet said...

As someone who has lived with both men and cats, honestly, I don't know which one takes more cleaning up after. My vote is, make the man clean the toilet now. Since you can't make the cats do it.

Ms Behaviour said...

You are so funny! I do not like having men in my apartment for that reason. Hell, I don't like men because they are smelly, noisy and dirty (and the ones I know are basically useless). I wonder if having one of those blue toilet flushy thingys in the tank would help? Also, something I learned from my X is to clean the bowl with a paper towel. Not super enviro friendly but this is the toilet we're talking about. Finally, I also have to confess to using those disposable sponge toilet cleaner thingys so I don't have to touch it after it comes out of the package.

Oh wait, one more finally. My coworker's grandmother has enforced a sit and pee rule at her house. Her grandpa has to sit and pee. No exceptions. Talk about emasculating!

Kimberly said...

If he can't hit the target standing up - suggest he sit down.

Katy said...

I just had 3 girls between the ages of 8 and 13 using the same bathroom for 6 weeks. It wasn't much better (pee and all) and if you threw in a handful of hair ties, globs of Bath and Body Works handsoap in the sink, and conditioner running down the walls of the shower, it would be worse.

It is requested of hubby to poop in one of the other two bathrooms in our house so I don't unexepectedly walk into a wall of man-stink. I highly recommend it.

Susan said...

Hmmm... Dirty toilets have clearly hit a nerve with you all. I suppose that we all have experience in that department! I think I probably just need to have him turn on the light when he gets up in the middle of the night. Or train Leroy to use the toilet brush...