This is a huge breakthrough for me. I think telling people how you feel is silly. I mean, if he didn't make me happy, I wouldn't be spending days on end with him and smiling all the time. I figure he knows we've got a good thing going, so do I really need to be redundant and say it?
And yes, I know the answer to that question is a resounding "yes." People like to hear you say mushy romantic things. I know this, but expressing how I feel makes me vulnerable. And you all know how much I hate that.
I stopped myself before I said anything. He doesn't make me happy. I make myself happy. He contributes to it sometimes, but I'm in control of whether I'm happy or not. So I thought, "well, I'll tell him that being with him makes me happy." But that's not true either; because I'm happy when I'm with him, but I'm also happy when I'm not.
So, I ended up gazing into his eyes and saying the following totally unromantic thing:
"I was going to tell you that you make me happy; but that's not technically correct. Then I was going to tell you that being with you makes me happy, but that's not really technically correct either. So, I guess I'm not telling you anything."
I think he knew what I meant. Though I'm still trying to figure it out myself.