Monday, September 28, 2009

Foot Down

I had a breakdown in the parking lot of Target on Friday. My head hurt. My friends needed lunchtime cellphone support. My dad called because he needed extra help over the weekend getting to and from an extra dialysis appointment. My mom on the phone preaching to me about how I should be calling the local assisted living place to see if they could take dad for a while. Did I mention my head hurt?

Did I mention that dad needed to go to dialysis at the EXACT time that I had scheduled a massage and facial for myself?

Its the little things, really, that tip you over the edge of sanity and make you look like a blubbering idiot in a parking lot. Just this one thing. I had done for myself. Made time. For _myself_. Needed relaxation. Needed something to help the headache go away. But, oh no. No, no, no, no. Other people's needs interfered. Again. With me getting back a little sanity.

Its hard to feel sorry for yourself when your father needs life saving medical treatment and all you need is aromatherapy and steam treatment. But I managed to do it. Oh. So. Sorry. For. Myself. It wasn't the massage. Its that it is so very difficult to meet my own needs these days because other's needs are more important. Friends in crises. Grandma in hospital. Dad in serious health decline. Me, still needing to go to work and class and act like a functioning human being. With a headache.

So, I put my foot down. Thirty-seven parking lot phone calls later, I had arranged for my mom to take dad to dialysis, and for brother (yes, I have a brother. Don't think I've ever mentioned that before) to pick him up. And for me to keep my massage appointment.

And oh, thank god. I needed that intensive pampering. I even managed not to snap at the woman who was trying to sell me chip proof nail polish for special occasions. She doesn't know that all my special occasions involve wearing a helmet. Deep breath. Smile.

My massage person did wonderful things for my neck and shoulders. Apparently, my neck was a knotty mess; she pushed and pressed and put heat on it for such a long time. Aaaaaaaah. I felt great afterwards and I had no headache for the rest of the day. It came back a bit on Sunday, then a bit more today, but Saturday was gloriously relaxing and headache free.

The massage made me realize that a lot of my headache problems likely lie with stress. I don't feel stressed. Overwhelmed? Yes. Stressed? No. But apparently, I am. And its exhibiting in head pain. And neck knots. And probably unfettered bitchiness towards people who don't deserve it.

I guess I need to set a new goal for myself: Find a new way to deal with stress. Cuz drinking, bitching and blogging don't seem to be cutting it.


Elena said...

Good for you missy! Put your foot down. Put both of them down. And try and acupuncture class--I'll try one with you....

Katy said...

It says (and I quote) "Acupuncture can be a very helpful treatment for many health conditions including addictions. It can help ease cravings, reduce stress, and detoxify the liver."

Sounds like what you need...stress relief and liver detox from all the drinking to try and reduce the stress.

And here's the link to my neurologist's headache web resource page,migraine

Ms Behaviour said...

How critical is school right now? Can you take a leave of absence until the head things - or other things - get sorted out?

Branden and Kristi said...

Hey! What if it's not stress but maybe how you're sleeping or something? I know it sounds silly because I know you're obviously stressed, but what if it's the stress AND your bed? Like too many pillows or something?

Susan said...

Thanks for all the advice people. I'm going to explore some of this, one at a time. Accupunture is a definite maybe. Liver detox? Not a bad idea. More time in bed, too few pillows or too many pillows? Yes. Need that too.