Monday, September 14, 2009


"Would you like to donate a dollar to homeless pets today?"

I guess I'm a cold heartless bitch, because the answer is "no" every single time I go into PetSmart to buy Arlo's special food for aging and decrepit cats.

I hate seeing animals suffer just as much as the next person. I'd have way more than two cats if I thought it wouldn't interfere with my sex life (the two is bad enough) and you can bet that they would all come from broken homes. But do I have to feel guilty about not donating to the cause it every single damn time I buy that tiny little bag of food for Arlo? Its bad enough that I have to walk by that glass enclosure with all the sad little pound kitties waiting for good, stable homes.

The thing is, I'm not a cold heartless bitch, but that teenager behind the PetSmart counter doesn't know it. And that nasty red "no" button on the ATM swipey machine doesn't know it either. I give several hundred dollars a year to the local animal shelter, and several hundred more to various other causes involving old people, poor people, hungry people, and those kiddies I don't even like (money to the local boys and girls clubs keep them off the street, which keeps them out of my front lawn). Every year, I decide how much I can afford to give, who I can give it to and I sign myself up for monthly paycheck deductions.

I'm doing my part, so why do I feel so damn guilty when I press that red "no" button? Why are you doing this to me, PetSmart?! If I send you my paycheck stub, can you give me a special speed pass keytag that will make that question go away? Question only the truly guilty, and let me go free.

You too, grocery store, and your pesky March of Dimes campaign.


Katy said...

Are you sure you're not Catholic? That would explain the guilt...

Elena said...

Coming from the girl who wants me to pay $50 for a BBQ "because it benefits cancer patients"... :)

Ms Behaviour said...

They should have an "I already donated thank you!" button.