The C Word

I left the hospital at 6 am, as the drunk college kids were getting their IVs out and headed back to campus. I had been there since 12:30. My dad, who has looked like he needed hospitalization for weeks, finally called 911 because he couldn't breathe.

They ran test after test all night long. The 12-year old resident couldn't tell us anything; nor could the attending, other than that they were keeping him.

Today, after about 4 hours of sleep, I dragged myself back to the hospital. Dad looked terrible. And had terrible news to give me.

"Its cancer."

I haven't talked to a doctor yet, but apparently its all over his liver and intestines. He doesn't want to treat it. I don't know yet what that means for a man on dialysis. Do you stop the dialysis and let the kidney disease kill you, or do you wait for the cancer to get you while continuing dialysis?

Or how about this question: What the fuck am I going to do?