Its all resting on me. My father is too sick to make any real decisions or phone calls. I've been hounding the hospital social workers. I've been talking to the doctors. I've been helping him brush his teeth and even occasionally helping him eat. I've seen my dad's raw nakedness as he is lifted on and off bed pans and uses urinals.
I feel very, very alone right now. My brother has not been helpful. While he's stopped by to say hi a couple times over the last week, he's not doing anything productive. He's not taking off work. He's not paying the bills at dad's house. He's not investigating end of life decisions and how long it takes to die if you stop dialysis. Guess who is doing those things? Yeah. Me.
And no, asking the brother to help is not really an option. He's not mature enough, he doesn't care enough. Hospitals make him uncomfortable. "I don't like hospitals, I can't go there everyday." Yeah, cuz I just love hospitals and dying people.
I just want it to be over. Like now. And its become very clear that its not going to end as quickly as I had hoped.