I tried to take it easy this winter. I mean, besides the death-defying kayaking trip, I tried to take it easy. Most of me is so ready for warmth and long days and dinner on the back deck. But there's this part of me that's not ready for it. Not ready because of the pressure I put on myself. Pressure to do everything and be everything to everybody.
I always get schizophrenic in the spring. The front garden has to be perfectly mulched and weed free. The veggie garden has to be planted earlier than everyone else's (it never is) and weed free. Oh sweet baby jesus, the grass is going to start growing again. I have to go on all the kayaking trips. I agreed to work weekends for special events and public presentations. I have to maintain my 4.0 GPA in grad school. And, oh yeah, Prof likes to see me every once in a while.
This is the first time I've had a boyfriend in the spring since 2001. BB and I broke up twice, the first year in March; the second in February, leaving me single and unattached with plenty of time on my hands to tackle the garden, the lawn, the kayaks and finals. TS and I broke up in March. DPD lasted until January. Crazy Casey only made it until Christmas...
Having a boyfriend is adding a whole new layer to my spring time schizophrenia. Things are good, but I carry this unsettled manic feeling all the time that I'm not doing enough and not accomplishing enough. I think it might make being around me slightly annoying. I mean, more annoying.
I don't have a strategy yet for dealing. I try to take a deep breath when I start feeling overwhelmed by it all, but I think that's only going to last until the grass starts growing.