Thursday, March 25, 2010

Marching along

March is my least favorite month. There are no holidays. The weather goes from gorgeous to crappy in an instant. I'm torn between winter laziness and the hundred thousand things I need and want to be doing in the spring - gardening, kayaking, laying in the sun, hiking, biking...

I tried to take it easy this winter. I mean, besides the death-defying kayaking trip, I tried to take it easy. Most of me is so ready for warmth and long days and dinner on the back deck. But there's this part of me that's not ready for it. Not ready because of the pressure I put on myself. Pressure to do everything and be everything to everybody.

I always get schizophrenic in the spring. The front garden has to be perfectly mulched and weed free. The veggie garden has to be planted earlier than everyone else's (it never is) and weed free. Oh sweet baby jesus, the grass is going to start growing again. I have to go on all the kayaking trips. I agreed to work weekends for special events and public presentations. I have to maintain my 4.0 GPA in grad school. And, oh yeah, Prof likes to see me every once in a while.

This is the first time I've had a boyfriend in the spring since 2001. BB and I broke up twice, the first year in March; the second in February, leaving me single and unattached with plenty of time on my hands to tackle the garden, the lawn, the kayaks and finals. TS and I broke up in March. DPD lasted until January. Crazy Casey only made it until Christmas...

Having a boyfriend is adding a whole new layer to my spring time schizophrenia. Things are good, but I carry this unsettled manic feeling all the time that I'm not doing enough and not accomplishing enough. I think it might make being around me slightly annoying. I mean, more annoying.

I don't have a strategy yet for dealing. I try to take a deep breath when I start feeling overwhelmed by it all, but I think that's only going to last until the grass starts growing.

4 comments:

Mike said...

You forgot about St. Patrick's Day (March 17) and Greek Independence Day (March 25).

But yes, March is typically less-than-stellar.

Ms Behaviour said...

Prioritize. If grad school can wait, put it off until the fall. If you can hire someone to help with the landscaping, veggies or grass, do it. Don't forget to put Prof in the priority list. And you could even communicate all this to him. You never know, maybe he enjoys mulching and mowing?

kristen said...

move out of your house and into an apartment in the city. That eliminates the mulching & weeding & grass cutting (parks department does it) & vegetable planting (csa delivery takes care of it) and only leaves the fun things (grad school notwithstanding but, by the way, no one cares about your GPA but you. true story.)


*brought to you by the city of new york. we pay more, but we dont have to weed.

Katy said...

Uh. Hello. That's why you have a boyfriend. Take him kayaking with you. Make him help you mow the grass and plant the garden and weed. He is the prof...so he gets the school thing. It's not a sign of weakness to get his help. It's showing him that you want him around but don't want to give up the you stuff.