It was one of those dreams that seems to go on and on and on all night. And when I woke up, I remembered it vividly. Its really rare that I dream about people I am close to - I'm more likely to dream about the kid who pulled my ponytail in 2nd grade than I am to dream about the Prof.
In the dream, my mom died fairly suddenly. Somewhere in the dream I told someone that it was cancer. I remember feeling very alone - no grandparents, and now no parents. I remember trying to get someone to feel sorry for me - I lost my dad and grandma in one week, and now my mom! I didn't go to the funeral because I had to work. At the drugstore - my high school job. Dream susan apparently thought it made total sense to go to a minimum wage job instead of to her mom's funeral.
It was so confusing and weird and disturbing. I woke up definitely feeling out of sorts, and the week hasn't been so great since. I've had some headaches, and I've been really tired.
I guess maybe, just maybe, I might be having some feelings. Some sorrow and sadness and fear about losing more people in my life. I've done a really good job of just moving on after this fall, but maybe I shouldn't have. God, I don't think I've cried since the funerals. Not once.
At any rate, my mom and I had a good conversation yesterday about how we felt sad; sad for us and sad for dad and momom. We don't often talk about feelings, so it was a little strange. But good, and I know she needs to talk about stuff and it wouldn't hurt me to talk about it.
Let's hope everyone stays alive in my brain tonite when I go to sleep.