Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dreams of dying

A couple nights ago, I had a very vivid dream about my mom dying. It was totally uncool.

It was one of those dreams that seems to go on and on and on all night. And when I woke up, I remembered it vividly. Its really rare that I dream about people I am close to - I'm more likely to dream about the kid who pulled my ponytail in 2nd grade than I am to dream about the Prof.
In the dream, my mom died fairly suddenly. Somewhere in the dream I told someone that it was cancer. I remember feeling very alone - no grandparents, and now no parents. I remember trying to get someone to feel sorry for me - I lost my dad and grandma in one week, and now my mom! I didn't go to the funeral because I had to work. At the drugstore - my high school job. Dream susan apparently thought it made total sense to go to a minimum wage job instead of to her mom's funeral.

It was so confusing and weird and disturbing. I woke up definitely feeling out of sorts, and the week hasn't been so great since. I've had some headaches, and I've been really tired.

I guess maybe, just maybe, I might be having some feelings. Some sorrow and sadness and fear about losing more people in my life. I've done a really good job of just moving on after this fall, but maybe I shouldn't have. God, I don't think I've cried since the funerals. Not once.

At any rate, my mom and I had a good conversation yesterday about how we felt sad; sad for us and sad for dad and momom. We don't often talk about feelings, so it was a little strange. But good, and I know she needs to talk about stuff and it wouldn't hurt me to talk about it.

Let's hope everyone stays alive in my brain tonite when I go to sleep.


Elena said...

I think it just means you should stay home and cook your man dinner more often :)

"If you dream of your mother dying could it represent the 'death' of the motherly side of your own nature. Perhaps you should try to be more caring and maternal or perhaps plans you have should be nurtured rather than killed off."

kristen said...

i hate those dreams. I've been known to have them, wake up in the middle of the night and call the person I dreamed died to make sure they are ok. thankfully my whole family is crazy so they understand when this happens.

however, i think that if it made you and your mom talk about it, then it was, in the end, a good thing...

DocJohn said...

Dreams often open our minds up to our inner experiences in ways that our conscious mind can't always access. That's a good thing, but a little freaky, since they change around the details in so many different ways -- usually meaningful ways if you probe more deeply into it.

For instance, your dream may have chosen your old drugstore job to emphasize the overwhelming sense of responsibility you feel toward certain things in your life... maybe sometimes at the expense of other things, like your personal life. Or your feelings.

I dunno, just a stab in the dark there... Dreams can tell us things, if we choose to listen and spend some time analyzing the deeper meaning.

Ms Behaviour said...

"They" say that, when you dream of someone close
to you dying, it's your brain telling you that you miss them and you should spend more time with them. Which you did so hopefully you're all good now :)