Monday, August 30, 2010

Baggage

Ok, enough whining about not buying a house and how much real estate agents suck. Its time for me to share some serious stuff with you:

My new favorite television guilty pleasure.

Its called Baggage. Its on the game show network. It stars Jerry Springer and 4 rotating douchebags (or bagettes). Its so embarrassing to admit how much I like this show, but so necessary because you really need to start watching it. Today, if at all possible.

Each episode, one guy or girl has a chance to pick a date (cheap nasty hook up?) from three potential candidates. Each of the candidates brings with them three pieces of luggage; a small one, a medium one, and a big whopper mamma one. Each piece of luggage has some piece of embarrassing information about the person engraved on foam on the inside. The "baggage" is slowly and painfully revealed over the course of the show. The Chooser gets to choose which baggage they can't live with, and they slowly eliminate all but one on the potential dates.

The baggage is hilarious, and most likely completely falsified, but whatever. Its escapism, people. My favorite girl baggage so far includes "I pleasure myself on the highway," "I bring my dad, who's also my preacher, on dates with me" "I dated an 80-year old man" and "I like my men to dress up like poo bear." The guys are pretty awesome too, from dude is a bankrupt circus clown, to dude used to be gay (used to be? Really?), to several who admit to breaking up with girls for getting fat, to my very very personal favorite "I always keep chicken in my pocket."

I am not making that up. I seriously almost lost control of my bladder when this guy pulled a ziploc bag with a cooked chicken breast out of his pocket. He had one for his date too. Strangely though, he didn't make it to the last round. It was so considerate of him!

Besides the sheer mindlessness of this silly show, and the ridiculous amount of douchebaggery, and the fact that Prof enjoys it just as much (if not more than) I do, there is something else that makes this show resonate with me:

it was my life while I was still dating.

I mean, no, I never knowingly dated a dude who kept chicken in his pocket, but I dated some guys who had some massive sets of luggage. And the bags would slowly get revealed in sort of the same way until I just couldn't take it any more. Like the guy who lived with his parents, only had a part time job, and then hey, just so you know, a drug habit. Or the guy who had a kid, then I found out he cheated on his wife, and oh yeah, also, was an alcoholic. Or the guy who lived with his grandparents, was unemployed and oh yeah, had never had a girlfriend. At 40.

I could go on and on and on and on and on. And on. But I won't. I'm saving that for another day.

Anyway, in a weird way, the show reminds me how lucky I got. I'm not out there uncovering boy baggage and trying to figure out if its worth dealing with. I'm on the couch with Prof, laughing my ass off. Its a pretty good place to be.

1 comment:

erin said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh, I have GOT to watch that show.