Saturday, September 18, 2010

Getting down, geriatric style

I really, really, really hope that Prof and I stay together forever and ever and ever. Because last night, I got a taste of what the 50+ single scene is like. And folks, it is not pretty.

Oh, and also, Prof's the most awesomest boyfriend that ever was (he reads this now, you know).

My friend KT came into "town" ("town" meaning the vast suburban/rural hell region where I live) to visit. Thankfully, she was staying with her other friend, because my house and my life right now aren't really up for accommodating overnight guests (unless they will soon be paying half my mortgage and will occasionally pick up some cat poo for me). So instead of a slumber party, we went out to dinner at the "best" restaurant around.

Its only the "best" because its the only one not in a strip mall.

The place is on the water, in the middle of nowhere and has a big deck. The food is, of course, overpriced and not that good, but I was willing to sacrifice just to avoid hanging out next to the Shop n' Bag. What I didn't know is that we were walking into a baby boomer dance party.

That's right. Baby Boomers dance and get it on at restaurants.

The band was setting up when we got there, and I was wondering whether our choice to sit on the deck might have been a mistake. It was as far as us talking to each other - but it was a great choice for people watching.

Holy mazoly. The crowd was mostly over 50, and dressed for a night on the town. Everyone who walked by had hip problems (I am now an expert at spying people with the particular limp that i now have). The local chapter of the "Single Boomers" was in the house. And so was KT's 71 year old aunt and uncle, who follow this band, and other local dance bands, all over the region to get their geriatric dance on. Uncle was once a regular on American Bandstand - this once impressed me, until I realized that 1 of every 7 Italian men over 65 around here were once regulars on the show. But, he's still got his moves. And the ladies love him, even those that aren't his wife, as evidenced by the 80 year old Keebler elf who pranced in front of him twice so he could pinch her ass. In front of his wife.

I did say he was Italian, after all.

Standing next to our table for most of the night was a 51 year old lady, on a Match.com date with a 56 year old. I'd say this dude was a catch - he had a mostly full head of hair, he danced with her, and he didn't have a hip limp. She must have overheard me yelling to my friends about boys, because she came over at one point and just volunteered that she was on a first match date (think she might have been a little tipsy?), and tried to set one of us up with her 25 year old single son. She was shocked when we told her how old we were, but persisted anyway. Perhaps her son needs a mother figure?

Anyway, the fascinating thing about this match date, was that there was another guy in the mix. She danced and flirted with him, and with her date. I think he got her number when the date went in to get another beer. We were so confused! They were all sort of a group, but one was on a date and the other wasn't? Was it a threesome date? I don't know man, but it was weird, and desperate.

We left at 10:30, and the old folks were still dancing and living it up with they were in college. It felt a little pathetic, not wanting to (or being able to) stay up late and party like we were 70. But I wanted to go to bed. I guess there will be plenty of time for dancing when I'm retired.

2 comments:

"Just Sayin....." said...

I"m always amazed that the elderly can kick my ass when it comes to staying up late. lol

But then I want to be one of those old people dacing up a storm when they're 50, 60, 70 instead of being at home, not fit or stable enough to walk let alone dance.

Mike said...

I need to hear this story orally...not read about it. We need to talk! Lunch? Dinner? Brunch? Lupper?