Friday, October 1, 2010

Aggravation

If I had one word to describe myself today, it would be aggravated. Very, very aggravated.

I can feel it in my body; my shoulder/neck is tense and pinched and my jaw is clenched, in a quasi pout. I haven't been this aggravated and anxious in a really long time, and I really hope its the steroids talking and not me.

The steroids: one of many reasons I'm aggravated.

Its just been a shit pile of a week, and I don't have time to relax or chill - except for the time I'm taking out to blog and bitch.

So there's this:

The orthopedist wants to send me to another specialist for my hip - nothing showed on my MRI, but he is convinced there is something torn. If the steroids don't clear the pain, he wants the other specialist to go in with the camera. Surgically. 6-12 month recovery period. For an injury they don't even know I have!

And this:

I helped move my brother out of his house and into my dad's house on Wednesday. It was an incredibly annoying and long day. He hadn't packed anything or prepped in any way until that morning. I packed his kitchen, his bathroom, CLEANED his nasty bathroom, cleaned bedrooms carried shit and unloaded. Only to find out after 8 hours of work that he had loaded EMPTY boxes on the truck, and stuff that belonged to his old roommate because he didn't know what else to do with them. Yeah, I definitely don't know what brother is going to do with a car seat, a thoroughbred racing saddle and the box for his Kurig coffee maker. Except that if I had known he had the coffee maker box, I could have put the friggin coffee maker in the friggin box.

Since then, he's in a panic, because he's living in a house with one toilet, 0 sinks and 0 showers. And his OCD prevents him from making any reasonable and rational decisions about what to work on first. I'll give you a hint - it wasn't a sink or a shower. Think garage doors.

I don't think that dude has irritated me this much since I was 16, when he refused to leave me and my friends alone and kept coming into my room doing his Erkel impression.

And then:

This morning, I lost my wallet. Not usually a big deal, except that I'm headed to NYC for a bachelorette party tomorrow. No wallet = no NYC. I did find it, but spent most of the day obsessing over it. Don't get me started on trying to figure out the best way to get into the city.

And this:

I made final arrangements today for my beloved Herman Humphrey the Hyundai, who will be donated to the Kidney Foundation on Monday. I had a harder time doing that than making funeral arrangements for my father. THEN I find out that my brother, who insisted I get the car out of the garage as soon as possible so he has a secure place to put his replacement windows, got a dumpster - effectively blocking Herman back in the garage.

I have to stop calling him Herman. And remind myself that he is just a hunk of musty, unworking Korean junk.

But he will never be just that. But soon I fear he will be very, very flat.

And to top it off:

Prof and I went back and forth ALL afternoon about whether we should hang out tonite. Annoying in and of itself because of the number of emails and gchats it took to come to the conclusion that hanging out is a bad idea, but also because of what its meaning for our relationship.

He must have picked up on my ambivalence about spending the night with him. I hate that I'm ambivalent about seeing him. I want to see him. I want to spend quality time with him. We haven't spend any real time together recently - its all family get togethers, home destruction and parties. What little time we have alone is usually late at night, lots of time after my class, when we are both cranky and spent. But I have a shit ton of work to do for class, I'm leaving for NYC in the morning, and had errands that had to be done. Tonite. Its almost 9pm now, and I still have several hours of homework to do.

I know its just a phase, and things will calm down again, and Prof has been very understanding (he knows what grad school is like) but it still sucks. I feel like our relationship is supposed to hit this wall after we've been living together, not before.

********

10:34 pm update:

I'm finished my homework. My "group" project members continue to ignore me on email. Word shut down on me "unexpectedly" losing some of my work.

And then.

I picked up my beer bottle to take a big swig.

Except it wasn't the one I just opened.

It was one that has been sitting on my desk for several days.

Warm, putrid and with little fuzzy things floating in it.

And I drank it.

(I did not puke, but it was close).

Aggravated, Annoyed and now in need of Antibiotics.

Shit pile week, indeed.

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