Monday, January 17, 2011

A different kind of bank deposit

My friend T called me this morning to chat. I often find myself telling her something along the lines of "do something fun for YOU today." And it was no different this morning. But when she asked me what I was going to do that was fun, my response was: "go to the bank and the grocery store." Yeah. Not really so much fun, but still probably better than anything that she's got going on, since she lives in the middle of a god forsaken area, hours away from a decent grocery store where you can buy tofu and beer.

And although going to the bank isn't really that much fun (ok, no fun. at all. whatsoever.), I really didn't expect to find what I found when we got there.

Human excrement. On the floor. (and then on my shoe. And my pants)

I don't know what the TD in TDBank stands for, but as far as I'm concerned, its "Terrible Diarrhea."

We had taken a very long way to get to the bank, driving around looking at houses in a neighborhood we like, so when we got there, I kinda had to pee. And, remarkably, there were public bathrooms there. Prof stood in line so we could sign up for a savings account, and I headed for the bathroom.

Except, that as I was going in, a bank employee, who might have been all of 13 years old, came out of the ladies room, holding her nose, gasping for breath and making a face. Ok drama queen. Whatever. Sorry you can't deal with some one's fart smell. Grow up.

So, I went in. And she was right - it smelled like someone had died in there. Died, and then taken a big sloppy shit. But, I was in and I had to pee and I've faced worse situations before. I can't think of one off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure I've had to deal with something worse than that. Ooops. Many are coming into my head, but I will spare you the details. You really don't want to know.

It stunk in there, but that wasn't all. The paper towel holder was also opened, and the tiny little hole in the wall paper towel receptacle was overflowing, with a big pile of towels on the floor. And the maxi pad dispenser looked like someone had tried to rip it off the wall. Something very bad had happened in there.

I wiped the seat down and hovered above it, vowing to wash my hands really, really, really, really well when I was done. Then I saw it. A tiny pile of loose human poo on the floor. Next to my foot - except, it was partially under my foot.

Ew, ew, ew, ew. But I was squatting and hovering and mid-stream, so I was kinda stuck.

I was completely indignant that the 13 year old TD Bank intern had not told me to wait and that she would be right back to clean up this horrible mess, and like I often do, I took matters into my own hands. I grabbed a huge handful of toilet paper and wiped the poo up off the floor. Then twice. And then flushed it down the toilet.

And then washed my hands for a really long time. And then my shoe. Or maybe it was the other way around. Actually, I really hope it was the other way around.

When I came out, I expected that there would be somebody there with a mop and a trash can and some of that shaky powdery stuff your elementary school custodian would pour on vomit. But nope, the 13 year old was behind the counter, processing bank transactions like there was nothing in the world amiss in the ladies bathroom. And like she wasn't trying really really hard to not have to pee.

While Prof and I were doing our banking business, I saw several women going in and out of the bathroom, and none looked too distressed when they came out (you are welcome). 13 year old bank teller didn't once try to stop anyone or warn them, or get a trash can to haul out the overflowing container, that could have very well been hiding more poo droplets.

I said nothing to anyone about it. There were no actual adults apparent anywhere in the bank, so I can't imagine anyone was going to take care of it. And they certainly weren't going to reward me in any way. I doubt that any of the interns are authorized to give me a better interest rate because I wiped human poo up off the floor for the greater good of womankind.

Its quite amazing to me really, that this chick did absolutely nothing about the bathroom situation. She could have closed it. She could have put a warning sign on it. She could have had someone empty the trash can. But she chose to ignore it completely, and let a customer take care of it.

Customer service is officially dead.

I'm going to sue if I get any kind of weird disease.

4 comments:

"Just Sayin....." said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

Jubert said...

well, shit happens... ahahaha

P.s. kindly check my blog. I would suggest that you read my blog titled "life's miseries" as I believe it's my best...

Thank you...

Love Cynic said...

Very funny Jubert. :)

Sayin' - There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe the EW I encountered.

Kristi said...

Remind me to tell you about the used condom stuck to my FLIP FLOP in the downtown Philly porta-potty. While I was so hungover I had to puke, but there was poo all over the seat so I couldn't. Remind me please. It's such an AWESOME story. ugh. (Who DOES these things?!?!)