Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Just Venting, and saying Hi!

How come when I get angry at someone, and its deserved, and I tell them calmly and reasonably why I'm upset, that I end up feeling bad?  Because now they feel bad because they made me feel bad?

I guess this is why I'm in therapy.

I can say however, that its some kind of progress.  Three years ago I would have never let on that I was upset and would have just been passive aggressive and avoidant for two weeks.

PS, is anyone still out there?  I miss blogging and my blogging friends.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Did it

Well folks, its done.

Prof and I signed the contract, and forked over a non-refundable check to build this house.


Its going to be a 4 month process and in the next two weeks, we have to do a tremendous amount of choosing, paying and mortgage applying. Nothing like not having a break! I finished school on Friday, turning in my last final, then spent 3 hours on Saturday doing paperwork, that is going to lead to more paperwork, that is going to lead to more paperwork... Then, just as school starts again in the fall, we should be ready to move in.

I feel good about our decision - no anxiety, no puking. Just relief that we have made a decision and are moving forward.

And we still haven't celebrated our 2-year anniversary. I think signing the contract might have to suffice.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Here goes everything

Prof and I have an appointment tomorrow at 10am to sign the contract to build our new house.

No, no. Don't worry about me, I've self medicated tonite so I can sleep.

Its good. Its a good location. Its a good lot. Its a great house. And its a huge commitment.

But whatever, I'll have a big front porch and a garage.

In like, 6 months.

More details later. Unless Judgement Day really happens tomorrow. In which case I'll probably have better things to do, like fight zombies and build my bomb shelter.

I'll have to ask our sales rep if the house comes standard with a panic room/bomb shelter, just in case Judgement Day actually happens in 2012, like the Mayans predicted.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Get down with OCB, yeah you know buffet

Two years.

It has been two years since my first date with the Prof and we have yet to celebrate any of our anniversaries (all two of them).

For our first anniversary, we had plans to go to a fancy schmancy dinner in the big city but instead, we both laid on the couch with our snot rags, hacking and coughing and being generally miserable. I bought a fancy sexy shirt and everything, and never got to wear it.

Today is our second anniversary and oh boy, did we do it up.

At Old Country Buffet.

That's right, you heard me. Old Country Buffet, a tacky, horrific smorgasbord that adds so much salt, fat and bacon to even the vegetables that it is nearly impossible to eat anything there, unless your taste buds died decades ago. And from the average age of the people in the place (90), that's exactly what happened. Keep eating there old ladies, and you aren't going to live to experience their special Thanksgiving buffet.

Why were two vegetarians at Old Country Buffet at 2:30 pm on a Sunday, you ask? Well, its a long complicated story, but it begins with my mother's 60th birthday and ends with a stomachache. You can't ignore your mother's 60th birthday, even if its your anniversary. Even if it involves Old Country Buffet and intestinal distress. You just can't. And so, we didn't.

My mom's boyfriend started it, and I had a shit fit when he said Old Country Buffet, but I'm too busy to do anything about it right now, and I don't have a house where I can host lots of people so my hands were tied. I called family members to invite them, apologetically, to the place. And then looked forward to it all week (you know, the same way you look forward to pap smears).

I tried to focus on the fact that my mom doesn't care its Old Country Buffet, but she was going to be so happy to see all of us there to celebrate her, and she deserves to be celebrated. She does so much for so many other people and gets so little for herself, so I really did a good job on focusing on her happiness rather than the jello salad.

And she was happy and nearly cried when she saw us all there (did I mention how difficult a surprise party at OCB is? Jeezus). And she got food, and presents and cake and we sang and it was awesome. For her.

So Prof and I will have to have our celebration another day, although he did point out to me that we did do something special. We picked up the house contract from the sales rep so we could review it and let our lawyer review it. And, we took mom to the lot we've selected so she could see it. I think that made her day. Our day will have to be made some other day.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Playing Catch Up

As life gets more complicated and busy, I've had a really hard time keeping up with my girlfriends. Phone dates with my far away friends took a hit when Prof moved in - I bitched about my day to him every day, instead of calling someone and chatting. By the time I'm done talking to him, I'm usually talked out (hard to believe, yes, I know). And then, the new driving while cell-phoning ban went into effect. I used to get some really good chatting time in while driving between work and home and school, the cell phone ban has left me alone and quiet in the car. I've tried two different hands free devices but they both suck ass. I've got a headphone that keeps falling out of my ear, and a speaker thing that no one can hear me on because the road noise from my car is so bad (mostly due to the roof rack which I'm way to lazy to take off).

Less phone time and less time for trips and special events has cut me off from a lot of my friends. And it sucks.

And this weekend, I'm turning it around!

I caught up on some phone calls late last week. Well, until the cell phone died. Time for an iPhone?

Today, I went to lunch with two friends who were in town who I haven't seen in over a year. One lives in Alaska now, so I never get to see or hear from her (I hear WiFi is limited in Alaska's back country.) We got there a little after 12. We left at 4. I don't think I've ever had a four hour lunch in my whole life, and it was awesome to be able to be able to relax and enjoy their company and catch up on their lives. The waiter may not have enjoyed it as much, but at least we kept ordering stuff.

But, as we were ordering more coffee and peanut butter pie, I had to keep reminding myself that it was ok to be taking time for myself and that its important to be "there" while I was there. I've still got school work on my back, but I was determined to take some time for myself.

I'm topping off my four hour lunch with an overnight visit from Kiwi who is driving through on her way to much better places. We'll stay up late and drink wine and make fun of people and eat bad food and I can't wait. I think Prof is planning to go to bed really, really early. Its in his best interests, really.

But tomorrow, I'm back in the grind. I've got a rough week at work and final school work to finish up. And, maybe a house to buy. May has been a serious marathon and I can't wait for it to slow down, so I have more time for blogging and bitching!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Struggling to be indifferent

Prof and I have been slowly working out way to signing a contract to build a new house. We aren't in any real hurry (until the homies come out) so we've been taking our time asking questions, considering options, weighing upgrades, adding them in, taking them back out and trying to find a price we are comfortable with. There aren't a whole lot of lots in the place we are looking, and only one that we really like. Its wooded on one side, so we'd only have neighbors on one side, and nobody across the street.

Well, its a pretty popular lot, given those things. And today we found out that someone else has put a contract in on it.

We knew this was a possibility, and we've still been taking out time, not wanting to rush into anything and regret it later. But now I feel this horrible feeling inside my stomach. Despite trying very, very hard to not get attached, I might not have been successful. I felt like that lot belonged to us - but of course, it doesn't.

I'm a bit miffed with the sales rep for not telling us before hand. Maybe we would have hurried up on our decision. Maybe we wouldn't have.

The lot wasn't perfect - as we looked harder and harder, we found lots of flaws. Like, its really close to the railroad (within 500') - a railroad that blows its horn several times between 10pm and 4am. The woods next to it are also owned by someone else - they aren't protected or preserved in any way. Any day, the owner could decide to come in, clear cut the trees and build something super-ugly and/or noisy. That would suck.

So I'm confused about what to do and how to feel. Its hard to want to continue on with a house purchase in this market when you don't 100% love the lot you are buying.

So, I start off the week with a disappointment.

Here's a picture for you so you can share my disappointment too. The woods would have been to the left of the front porch, so I could sit there and sip my beer and chill to the sounds of birds. Or chainsaws.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Whatchu Talking about, Will(i)s?

I now have a will. And one of those documents that says if I'm in a coma, somebody better damn well pull the plug. And of course, I had to designate someone to pull the plug. And for the first time in my life, that person is not my mother - its the Prof.

And he's got reason to pull the plug, since he is now the sole beneficiary of my estate, for what its worth. Hey man, I've got a townhouse, a VW with 216,000 miles and 2 decrepit cats. He's set for life!

I'm not a big overthinker. If I was, I think I would have been having panic attacks this morning while we were signing the paperwork. It makes sense. We aren't married, but our lives are now completed intertwined and he's got no legal right to my house of my stuff without the will. Its even more important though as we talk about buying that big old house. We both need to be protected financially if something happens. Last week, we both changed the beneficiary on our life insurance, and I actually upped mine to a level that would pay off most of the big new house, should we decide to get it. If we don't get it, and I get run over by a bus sometime soon, Prof is going to be able to lead a life he never thought possible. But I'm sure he will miss me forever and ever and ever and donate all that cash to a worthy cause and live the rest of his life as a hermit wondering what he could have done to prevent my tragic death.

Or, he could just find a hot grad student and spend my money on her.

I like the first scenario better though.

I feel like a real adult. We have FILE FOLDERS WITH WILLS IN THEM! And we are going to put a copy in the SAFE DEPOSIT BOX. Who the hell has a safe deposit box, except for your grandma? Well, apparently, we do.

And apparently, nobody else has a will either. In informal polls conducted around the office and at parties (I am SO fun at parties) I've discovered that nobody has a will. N.O.B.O.D.Y.! What the hell people. Suck it up, write some stuff down and notarize it, so your siblings aren't arguing over your wicked awesome vinyl record collection. Or your in-laws aren't arguing over who has to take the kids.

(In order to legitimize this giant house purchase we are getting very close to making, we are now accepting most requests to take care of your kids if you die in a tragic accident, so write that will now before we change our minds. But you'd better leave us enough money in a trust fund to pay for their car, college and the occasional bail.)

The whole thing is totally creepy, but its worth it. Go do it. Get your Will done, and if you don't know who to give your stuff to, just leave it to me and I'll take care of it.